6 Reasons Why Negative Emotions Are Not Inherently Bad

Oct 09. 2023

There are no inherently bad emotions. Everyone experiences emotions that society labels as negative, but one thing I fail to understand is why we are criticising them and trying to push them into the dark box of things we wish didn’t exist. Are negative emotions truly bad? Let’s find out more about it.

Table of Contents

Emotional Education In The Early Years

When you were feeling sad as a child, did your parents ever ask you why that is and what emotions you were experiencing? If your answer is yes, you are very fortunate and possibly one happy adult now. Sadly, most parents don’t ask or assist their children in processing and understanding their emotions. Instead, what we usually hear is “stop being sad” or “go and play and leave me alone”. Seriously.

Nobody teaches us what emotions there are, how they feel and manifest in our bodies and why they even appear. They seem invisible, sudden, and, if negative, even inconvenient. Negative emotions are being swept under the rug, as if we shouldn’t feel them at all. The most common advice given to a person experiencing depression is: just put on your jogging shoes and go for a run in nature. Lol.

What is Trauma?

Many of us carry both small and significant traumas from childhood. Some argue that if you’re above the age of 3 months, you’ve experienced traumas.

Trauma can be caused or intensified by improperly processed emotions during a distressing event. Trauma often results from the overwhelming emotional and psychological response to such events, and the way an individual processes and copes with those emotions can influence the long-term impact of the trauma.

So, in short, when a traumatic event happens to a person, the emotions cannot be processed immediately due to the mind being preoccupied with surviving the experience. Coming back to the event in a person’s head causes intrusive thoughts or memories of the traumatic event and flashbacks or nightmares. So a person enters an emotional numbness or detachment.

While I’m not a trauma expert, Teal Swan has an intriguing approach to healing trauma by delving into the memories of the event and processing the emotions as they should be in the first place. Controversial, but it appears to me as an intuitive path, albeit the most difficult path for a person dealing with trauma.

After trauma, some people experience a positive transformation known as post-traumatic growth (PTG).

Where in Your Body?

When you experience negative emotions, journaling and meditation can provide deeper understanding of them. Sometimes, you can simply observe these emotions, acknowledge them and let go of them. However, if they persist – look into them and don’t ignore their presence.

The human brain can process 11 million bits of information every second. This is your subconscious mind. In contrast, our conscious minds can handle only 40 to 50 bits of information every second. This is why intuition, gut feelings and emotions often take the lead – something’s up. Even if our conscious mind hasn’t quite figured it out yet.

Here’s the process I follow when I experience negative emotions:

I journal or meditate – what is happening exactly?
Where do I feel them in my body? What do they feel like?
I ask myself probing questions and I remain curious about them. For instance, I’m feeling jealous of my friend? Interesting, tell me more! What’s there? What insights can it offer?
At this stage, I usually have some understanding of the emotions and their origin.
I then decide whether to address the underlying issue or to accept and let these emotions go. However, I take my time to process them before I take action, especially if they concern other people.

Crying When Addressing Emotions

I know there are many of us weepers, both men and women. I find myself in tears when I deal with strong emotions and try to address them in a conversation with a person, for example a partner. For years, I really hated this tendency in myself and resented it.

I was scared that others wouldn’t take me seriously when this happens. Why can’t I just control my emotions like an adult? I was overly judgemental of my own reactions.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, please be kind to yourself. Practice self-compassion. When facing a difficult conversation coming up, accept that the tears might flow, and that’s absolutely okay. When emotions run high and they affect your ability to speak (“the frog in the throat” syndrome), don’t hesitate to ask for a brief break. Take a few deep breaths until you feel a bit calmer and composed enough to talk again. I’ve explained to my partner that my tears stem from deep caring, and sometimes I just need a minute to gather myself. More often than not, they will understand!

And it should get a bit easier to manage over time. Deep breaths might start working faster, or you might find that the tears stop altogether!

Are Negative Emotions Bad?

Even if you are suffering right now, remember that the pain you are feeling is temporary. Emotions are like clothes: today you wear this, but tomorrow you will wear something else entirely. You are strong; you can endure this, for this, too, shall pass.

It is crucial for our self-compassion and, by extension, our self-love, that we accept all the emotions we experience. Read more about Radical Acceptance that can help here. Understanding and loving all that we feel is essential. In short, our brain strives to protect us, so even the so-called “bad” emotions are acts of self-love.

Here are my reasons why negative emotions are actually good:

1. Emotions Are Signals

Just as pain signals something’s wrong in our physical bodies, emotions are also there to signal something isn’t right. When you feel pain in a certain area of your body, you seek help from a doctor to address the root cause so that you can heal it and continue your life as a healthy woman. Negative emotions like fear, sadness, or anger often act as internal signals that something in our lives needs attention. They can alert us to potential dangers, motivate us to address issues, or signal a need for change and growth.

2. Enhanced Resilience

Going through pain, even at its most unbearable, allows us to develop new coping skills, adapt to adversity, and build psychological strength, ultimately helping us better handle future challenges. Life will never be without its challenges, but instead of seeing them as problems, add a little twist. Challenges aren’t just problems; they’re opportunities for growth. Learn to accept and face challenges head on. You become confident, self-assured, positive and determined. You always overcome problems you encounter! You can adopt the growth mindset and always look at problems as just opportunities.

3. They Have a Meaning

Each negative emotion holds a deeper meaning. Jealousy might reveal to you some unfulfilled desires. For example, notice who causes jealousy in you at work. It might be because you desire their career path and it can be a useful tool to figure out what you want for yourself. Envy for your peers on the other hand could be a sign that you feel like you’re falling lower in the hierarchy. Someone is levelling up and you are not! It is a good reminder we need to step out of our comfort zone and work towards the things we want, before we are left behind by others who did. Meditate and journal to understand these emotions; they’re essential messages guiding your path.

4. They Turn Negative When Dwelled Upon

Sometimes our thoughts can blow some emotions out of proportion. Unchecked, they spiral into negativity. For instance, you might experience an unsettling emotion when a colleague leaves you behind in a project. One unsettling thought leads to another, and suddenly you find yourself overthinking, noticing that they’ve pushed more tasks on you and have been unresponsive, perhaps making you feel inferior. This escalation of thoughts accelerates your emotions, leaving you feeling increasingly angry. In reality, what actually happened was that your colleague attended a seminar and was busy; they simply wanted to be kept updated about the project, and there was no bad blood between you from their perspective at all. Sometimes, it’s necessary to examine and stop these emotions before they trigger a negative spiral of thoughts and feelings. To learn more about how thoughts influence our emotions, read HOW NEGATIVE THOUGHTS THRIVE IN YOUR MIND.

5. There’s no Joy Without Sadness

Life has its highs and lows. By contrast, each enhances the other. We can then be more grateful when the bad times are over and appreciate the good times more. In investing, there is a term of correction, a significant drop or decline in the price of a financial asset, typically around 10% or more from its recent peak. Just as market corrections are a part of financial cycles, low points are natural in life. They have to happen, because nothing goes up in the straight line. There is the interdependence and contrast between positive and negative emotions. When I’m feeling happy on the “high”, I cherish it because I know it will end. When I’m feeling sad on the “low”, I keep in mind that it will pass and the better days will come, which helps me with enduring the (inevitable) suffering in life.

6. They Are Your Motivation For Change

Negative emotions often act as a driving force for change when you decide you never want to feel this way again. They can inspire us to make important life decisions, set new goals, and take actions to improve our circumstances.

Conclusion

In embracing the spectrum of our emotions, we acknowledge the intricate dance between joy and sorrow, strength and vulnerability. These emotions, both the radiant highs and the shadowed lows, are not adversaries but partners in our growth. In the world of investing, corrections are as natural as life’s fluctuations, teaching us the art of resilience. Every emotion, even the ones society deems negative, holds profound meaning – a signal guiding us toward understanding, resilience, and transformative change.

So, let us honour our tears as much as our laughter, for in the symphony of our emotions, we find the melody of our truest selves. May these feelings, both light and heavy, be the catalysts that propel us towards a brighter, more resilient tomorrow. Embrace them, for they are the threads weaving the tapestry of our humanity, leading us towards profound self-discovery and enduring self-love.

What are your ways to deal with negative emotions?

Share your commitments and ideas in the comments below!

Check you my YouTube for meditations:

Rise and Thrive on YouTube