We are our harshest critics. How often have you been so tough on yourself that you quit something, gave up midway or not even started all due to your own intrusive thoughts? Let’s explore how to avoid that with these steps to radical acceptance and high levels of resilience.
Radical acceptance is a concept from dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) that involves fully and completely acknowledging reality without resistance and judgement, or attempts to change it. It means embracing things as they are, even if they are difficult or painful, in order to reduce suffering and improve emotional well-being.
Yeah, so? What does it mean?
Examples of radical acceptance
By fully embracing what life throws at us, we remove the emotional burden that could potentially set us back for months, or even years. So, when life happens, we have a choice: we can let it crush us, or we can take it as it is and turn it into a lesson and an opportunity for growth.
First example I ever heard was about relapsing in the case of drug addicts. When they slip once, some are drawn back into the grip of their destructive habits as if rationalising “oh well, did it once already, might as well do it again, I’m such a failure anyway…”. It hits hard for me because I’ve fallen into this trap multiple times while trying to build some new good habits. Slipped once or twice and I was back at the bad behaviour.
However, radical acceptance offers a liberating alternative. It’s about forgiving yourself. You tell yourself that you are human and that you are going to continue on the good path on the very next occasion or tomorrow.
Instead of allowing yourself to engage in more of the undesired behaviour internally, take the initiative to rectify it at the next opportunity, devoid of any judgement (and this aspect is particularly important). Because mistakes happen. And we can do better the next day.
When life happens
Should you lose your job or a relationship, acknowledge the situation rather than denying it. Allow yourself to grieve, shift focus towards healing and growth. Accept the reality of unemployment and start making plans to move forward in a productive way.
Avoid dwelling on past mistakes. Similarly, acknowledge and recognise them, accept responsibility, and use them as lessons for a better future.
In the face of unchangeable events, circumstances beyond your control or of permanent nature, accept that you can’t change it and process your emotions about this situation. Find ways to adapt and find meaning despite the circumstances.
Accept your personal limitations without engaging in self-criticism. Concentrate on personal growth and self-improvement. Additionally, reject negative self-judgement and refrain from dwelling on what we cannot change.
Confronted with a chronic illness, radical acceptance means acknowledging the condition’s impact on your life or life of a close one, seeking appropriate medical care, and making necessary lifestyle adjustments while avoiding self-blame or resentment.
Path to radical acceptance
These things take practice and practice takes time. Start today with these steps to radical acceptance and see the gradual transformation. Remember, that part of radical acceptance is also allowing yourself to err – giving room for errors and self-forgiveness if you encounter setbacks while integrating it into your life ?
1. Release the control
Recognise that some things in life lie beyond your control. The only thing you can control is how you react to what happens around you. Let go of the urge to supervise everything.
2. Practice mindfulness
Feel free to embrace mindfulness as a tool for anchoring yourself in the present moment. Make it into daily practice. Similarly, cultivate the present-moment awareness, attentively noting the sensations in your body, mind as well as the physical locations where you feel your emotions. Do all of this without any judgement. Just observe. Feel free to meditate with me.
3. Acknowledge the reality
Accept what is happening at the moment with your body and mind. Let go of denial and recognise that this is the current reality.
4. Tune in with your thoughts
Notice the negative thoughts that arise during the day. Acknowledge them and then release them. Recognise that they just want to be noticed. In short, do not engage in self-criticism about them or their content. This approach prevents a downward spiral of negativity, preventing one negative thought from triggering another.
5. Accept your emotions
There are no bad emotions. Each tries to tell you something and each is valid. Feel them and do not deny or suppress them.
6. Growth mindset
Keep growing and improving yourself. Every challenge is a lesson to be learned, something that will improve your resilience. Focus on healing, adapting, and making wiser choices moving forward. The beautiful personal growth that results from it will be a wonderful opportunity you’ll appreciate in times to come. Above all, you are a lucky girl and if one positive thing has been removed from your life, it only makes space for something even better!
7. Use wise mind
Engage your “wise mind,” a balance between emotional and rational thinking. Consider the situation objectively, focusing on effective responses rather than impulsive reactions.
8. Stop the impulsivity
Before reacting, take a moment to pause and engage with your emotions. First response is usually not the best one. While you have the entitlement to your emotions, you don’t have the full right to how you react to the things that happen. In addition, you can choose how you react to the circumstances and this is the only thing you can actually control.
9. Practice self-compassion
Be your own best friend and respond to your thoughts, emotions and reactions in a compassionate way and understanding, as you would with your bestie. Avoid harsh self-criticism and replace it with positive self-talk. Read more about 18 signs that you are your best friend.
10. Accept the unchangeable
For situations that cannot be altered, such as past events, embrace them as they are. Let go of the desire for them to be different.
Conclusion
In conclusion, radical acceptance offers a powerful shift in how we engage with life’s challenges. Consequently, by letting go of judgement and resistance, we create space for genuine growth and emotional well-being.
This path isn’t about denying difficulties or pain, but about acknowledging them fully. It’s a practice that enables us to respond to life from a place of wisdom rather than an impulsive reaction.
Moreover, steps to radical acceptance allow us to cultivate self-compassion, make peace with our past, and find strength in adversity. It’s a journey towards a more authentic, fulfilling life – one where we navigate challenges with grace and create space for joy, resilience, and meaningful connections.
Which of the steps to radical acceptance will you start with?
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