Choosing a destination is important. If you don’t have a destination in mind, you won’t know where you’re headed, and you won’t be able to work on a plan to reach your goals. This is how I view a list of non-negotiables. You need to identify what you want and don’t want in a partner to recognise it when you find it. It will ensure the longevity of your relationship and help you to not waste your precious time. Let’s explore how to create a list of non-negotiables and why it’s crucial.

Why is it Important?

Being single is the perfect time to connect with your inner self and reflect on what you want and don’t want in life. Consider what your ideal future looks like. Identify your own attachment style, determine your preferences and dislikes, and analyse the issues that led to the previous relationships not working out.

Reflect on what was your contribution to these past experiences as well. All of these and much more increase your self-awareness and will help to create a list of non-negotiables. You can get there through journaling and in this post you have nice journaling prompts to help you with it.

Read more about the 11 lessons I learned from my past relationships part 1 and also part 2.

As much as being alone and reflecting about things and learning more about ourselves is crucial, it’s essential to note that we can only prepare as much while being single. In the singlehood we have our peace and no triggering emotions. We can start the work now but the true self-improvement work often begins when we enter a relationship. So let’s just keep this in mind to not get frustrated when after all this work, you still find yourself emotional and making mistakes in the future relationships. We learn all our lives.

Spend Your Singlehood Wisely

During your single phase, you have the tranquillity and time to assess your needs and aspirations for the future without the emotional burdens of a relationship with a man. You can take your time and you aren’t compelled to respond immediately, as you might in arguments and conflicts. Time pressure and rushed decisions are rarely wise ones.

When you meet someone who is attractive but incompatible with your long-term goals, the pull of emotions like lust and infatuation are way stronger than your logical thinking. They might cloud your judgement. That’s why you need to work on your list now. You are more rational and self-aware, so you can refer to it when your emotions run high. It’s a valuable gift you give to your future self.

Setting boundaries is very important, and creating a list like this is an ultimate expression of the boundaries you establish in your relationships. Not just anyone should be allowed into your space and have access to your life. You are protecting yourself from the below minimum effort men.

Being selective

As a woman, you have limited time for procreation, and temporary relationships don’t align with your goals. For more insights on this, read the post Why it’s amazing to be selective.

When we have a good list, we can finally start manifesting him into our life and allow him to find us, while constantly developing ourselves personally and building the life we desire for ourselves.

Remember that manifesting a partner is not about magically summoning someone into your life. It’s rather about aligning your energy, intentions, and actions with your desires. It may take time, but with patience, self-awareness, and a positive mindset, you can manifest a loving and compatible relationship that meets your non-negotiables.

Read more about how to be a high value woman.

Creating the List

Creating the list is about future-proofing your relationship and saving yourself years of wasted time with someone who wasn’t aligned with you from the beginning. Read more – how to deal with a man who isn’t interested.

We seek self-respect, going for what you truly want and deserve, and refusing to settle for a below minimum effort man. To achieve this, we need to identify the qualities in a man that would make him a suitable candidate for our future partner. This is a highly individual process; therefore, no one can tell you what should be on your list. Take your time to reflect on it personally to know how to create a list of non-negotiables.

Knowing what you want is sexy for men. It shows strength, patience, self-respect, and self-awareness. A man might be disappointed if you don’t choose him, but he will respect you for knowing what you want.

Remember, it’s not a list of requirements intended to mould the next man you meet. Rather, it’s a list of qualities you seek in a partner, and if he doesn’t possess them, it’s not your man. It’s someone else’s man. Because what belongs to you will find its way to you and so will your man. Be strong and courageous enough to walk away from someone who doesn’t meet your criteria, maintaining an abundance mindset. So, trust the process!

Finding a partner who aligns with your non-negotiables may take time, and it’s essential to be patient and stay true to your values and priorities in the process. Building a healthy and fulfilling relationship often requires compromise and open communication, so be prepared to have discussions with your partner about how your non-negotiables align with each other’s needs and expectations.

Setting the Stage

Give yourself enough time to truly tune into your mind, emotions, and thoughts. Meditate, read, give yourself space for deep reflection. It all starts with self-reflection, so give yourself enough time and room for this crucial process. Consider keeping a journal and experiment with scripting, where you visualise every detail of your future life – from the appearance of your house and nuances of your mornings and evenings, to how it makes you feel. Spend time in this mental space to tune into this scene and gain clarity. This exercise will help you determine what truly matters and inspire elements to include in your list.

Take Your Time

You don’t have to create the full list all at once. Write what comes to your mind initially, and if something else strikes you later, add it to the list. Don’t time-bound yourself with this. Once your list is substantial, revisit it repeatedly, refining it as necessary. Some things might seem too obvious, like “He treats me like a princess”, which to me is a given, but maybe you want to really have it on your list to fully manifest your desires.

Be Realistic

Don’t be too picky but also don’t settle on things that really matter to you. Our goal is to set high yet reachable standards. Develop a list of non-negotiables and negotiables (nice-to-haves). After completing your list, evaluate if it’s realistic enough and ask yourself these questions: What kind of woman would this man seek and pursue? Am I this woman already? Am I also the person I expect him to be? Am I his and also my own dream girl yet? Be honest with yourself; acknowledging the need for further personal growth is a commendable trait. After all, we all have to continue our self-improvement all the time 🙂

Be Open-Minded

Personally, I avoid adding too many specifics about appearance to my list. I focus on a man’s mindset, and I would suggest that you avoid being super specific, such as specifying he’s 6 feet tall and has rainbow hair etc. Instead, include a few must-have qualities and avoid dwelling on physical attributes. Give a chance to someone who may not fit your typical type but treats you well and aligns with your values. Or just do your own thing, it’s your list 🙂

Learn to Recognise Him

Once your list is ready, be familiar with it and review it regularly. Remember that nobody is perfect, and he might have some minor imperfections and they might be acceptable in some areas while non-negotiables are set in stone. Be clear about what you can live with and what you cannot live with in a partner. For example: it’s acceptable if he is a bit disorganised but intolerable if he’s self-righteous. Approach this from the abundance mindset rather than the position of fear.

Identify the Deal Breakers

Drawing from your own experience or those of people around you, identify what you don’t want. For example, I think I’m done with avoidants (men with avoidant attachment style) at this point. I had my fair share of them in my life and I give up. ? Examine values and deal breakers by looking at this list (not everything on this list might be crucial to you):

• Values (e.g. religion, frugality, family, sustainability, personal growth, self-reliance)
• Short-term and long-term life plans (compatibility with your goals)
• Work preferences (doing overtime often or leisure)
• Daily rhythm (early bird or night owl)
• Attachment style and communication skills
• Living preferences (urban or rural)
• Family expectations (how many kids or no kids)
• Lifestyle (active or sedentary)
• Expectations regarding mutual contribution (e.g., a 50/50 partnership or a provider role)
• Educational background and interests, if significant to you

Conclusion

Creating a list of non-negotiables in your future partner is a powerful tool for shaping your romantic journey and ensuring you find a fulfilling and compatible relationship. Just as a traveller needs a destination in mind to navigate their journey effectively, knowing your non-negotiables provides you with a clear roadmap to a lasting and meaningful connection.

This process begins with introspection and self-awareness during your single phase. By taking the time to identify your values, preferences, and deal breakers, you gain a deeper understanding of what truly matters to you. It’s a journey that allows you to fine-tune your desires. You can create a vision for the kind of partnership you aspire to that helps figure out how to create a list of non-negotiables.

As you craft your list, remember that it’s not about being overly specific or rigid but about setting high yet attainable standards. It’s about recognizing the qualities that truly matter to you. Use them as a compass to navigate the complex world of dating and relationships.

Ultimately, manifesting the right partner involves aligning your energy, intentions, and actions with your desires while staying true to your list of non-negotiables. This journey may take time, but with patience, self-awareness, and a positive mindset, you can open the door to a loving and compatible relationship that meets your deepest needs and aspirations. So trust the process, stay true to yourself, and keep your heart open to the possibilities that lie ahead.

Share your thoughts and commitments in the comments below ?

Recommended next post to read:

HOW TO JOURNAL FOR BEST SELF-GROWTH

5 WAYS HOW TO KNOW YOUR WORTH AS A WOMAN

HOW TO BEST START YOUR DAY IN AUTUMN

HOW TO BECOME YOUR OWN DREAM GIRL

Check my YouTube for meditations:

Rise and Thrive on YouTube