This hurts so terribly. Another failure. I can never seem to keep a man. I will be alone forever. What if that was it? Perhaps he will come back? What did I do wrong? These are all normal thoughts our mind throws at us after we’ve been broken up with. But it’s time to begin the process of healing after the breakup.
As much as it’s quite normal, these thoughts are only temporary. And we’re going to break free from them right now.
Well, maybe not right now right now. But we’ll explore how we can do it in the most optimal way possible and how to help ourselves.
Maybe someone broke up with you, or maybe you had to walk away to preserve your self-respect. You reached your limits. Or maybe you didn’t see it coming at all, everything seemed so good on your end.
Regardless of your situation, let’s have a chat about your first steps after the breakup.
I am proud of you!
Firstly, the breakup you’re processing now means that you’ve tried. You put yourself out there, you were vulnerable, and you gave your best self. For this, I am super proud of you!
Trying means having hope, being brave, and being willing to improve your life. And you did all that. Celebrate how brave you’ve been and never lose hope!. Let this give you strength and self-belief that you will try again in the future.
You gave your love, but you have so much more to give. You are love. It’s not a non-renewable resource. It’s abundant in your heart, and you will find someone new to share it with and who will be happy to share it with you also.
The fact that you tried and it didn’t quite work out doesn’t mean you failed. It’s far from failure. It’s a chance to learn new lessons and a badge of honour for the better you.
As much as it may seem difficult to see right now, it has improved your life in some way. Therefore, it is not a reason to become bitter and give up forever.
First steps after the breakup
When you’re hurting, constantly being in your head is the last thing you want to do. We want you to process the myriad of emotions you’re feeling and get you back on track.
Everyone is different, and it’s an individual matter for you to determine how long it will take to feel better. However, we can speed up the process by correctly processing our emotions. These steps consequently offer your most optimal chance of moving to the next stages of healing as effectively as possible.
Read more about the 11 lessons I learned from my past relationships part 1 and part 2.
No contact
I begin with this because you need this time away from him to initiate the healing after the breakup. No settling for friendship or anything like that; it will only gradually phase you out of his life and inadvertently aid him in getting over you. Besides, you don’t require a constant reminder of your loss. No contact is essential for you to process what happened, heal, and emerge from it as a better person.
Let it hurt
If you need to cry, go ahead and cry. Tears will assist you in releasing these emotions, and it’s a crucial step in the healing after the breakup process. Keeping your feelings bottled up will only prolong your suffering, as they will inevitably surface at some point. So why delay? Let it out now.
Exercise
I understand that this will be the last thing you’ll feel like doing. However, while you’re under so much stress, exercise will aid in its release. Our bodies respond to stress triggers by producing stress hormones, and if you don’t burn that adrenaline and cortisol through fast-paced exercise, it will accumulate in your body, which can be very bad to your well-being.
For instance, go interval running for example: run as fast as you can for 1 minute and then walk for 2 minutes and repeat it as many times as you can or feel like. Similarly, after the moment of stress or receiving stressful news, dance, run, just shake this stress off. It will help you a lot.
Mourn
It’s alright to grieve for this person and the potential life you could have shared with them. At some point, you were undoubtedly convinced that he was your man, the one for you, and now he’s gone. Perhaps you were attached to his friends and family or his place of residence, and you need to mourn these losses as well. Allow yourself some time to process these emotions.
Go out more
Give yourself a break from all this processing and tears. When you feel better, don’t stay alone for too long. Spend time with your friends or colleagues (not talking about the breakup too much), and consider signing up for meetups in your area. Keep yourself relatively busy. Remaining at home on your own will only lead to overthinking, and you need a good distraction.
Practise radical acceptance
Acknowledge that this is happening and accept it. It doesn’t mean you approve of it in any way, no. It simply means you are accepting this fact with your mind and body. Notice the tension in your muscles during the day and relax those tense areas. Blame nobody for this situation and especially not yourself.
Bring back your self-esteem
Your self-worth perception took a huge hit. Take care of your body, hair, and continue with your skincare routine as usual. Don’t forget to nourish your body with nutritious food. To rebuild your confidence, I recommend meditations with affirmations. You can feel this love and validation coming from within you while using the “I am” statements. Under the post, I’ve linked a couple of my favourite meditations on YouTube a well as my own meditations from this blog.
Setbacks are normal
Once you’ve had a good day or two, or even a week, it’s alright if suddenly you feel like crying again. These emotions will accumulate in your body, and they will need an outlet. It could be triggered by a sad song, something your ex gave you, or simply a memory that came to mind. With time, there will be more good days than bad days, but give yourself space to process it again if it arises.
Rebounds don’t really work
You need some time for healing after the breakup. Going out there to date while you’re still hurting will only attract people who are drawn to emotionally damaged or unstable individuals, or someone who believes they can “fix” them. They thrive on these types of relationships. But that’s not what you want in your life. You desire a healthy, secure, and fulfilling relationship, not a project where you feel obligated to fix someone. It all begins with you taking the initiative to go through the healing process first.
This too shall pass
Emotions are just that – emotions. They come and go, serving a purpose to prompt behavioural changes or address underlying issues.It’s the same way pain does for your body. It’s a signal for you to do something.
And they play a vital role.
At times, emotions may implore you to do things you don’t want to do, like reaching out to him or writing a hand-written letter to show you care. These actions can be detrimental to your well-being. Your brain is attempting to reclaim the happiness you once shared with this man, believing it’s the path to joy. Yet, that place no longer exists, and you understand it. It’s just your brain that doesn’t.
In moments of sadness, it might seem like you will never be okay again. Emotional pain is unlike physical pain, fuelling despair and hopelessness.
However, as powerful as emotions are, they are temporary. They will pass.
It’s the universe making space for something new and better for you, wiping the page clean. For this, you are doing your part and engaging in the healing process after the breakup, to start afresh and be prepared for what lies ahead.
Negative emotions have their expiration dates. Similarly, cherish moments of happiness, as they too shall pass. Seek it like the light in the tunnel; it will provide perspective.
I trust this will bring you some hope and peace. You are doing your best to process your feelings, and keep reminding yourself that with time, it will get better. That is, if you start processing these emotions immediately, for as long as you need to.
Conclusion
The aftermath of a painful breakup can be overwhelming, but remember that these feelings are temporary. Give yourself the time and space to heal by implementing no contact and focusing on self-care.
Embrace the emotions, let them pass, and trust that with time, you will emerge stronger and ready for new opportunities. Believe in yourself and have hope that love will find its way back into your life.
Above all, acknowledge the courage it took to love and appreciate the lessons learned from the experience. Embrace the pain, allow yourself to mourn, and find the strength to rise above it. It’s okay to cry, to let the emotions flow, and to release the tension. Healing after the breakup requires time and effort, but taking the right steps can make the process smoother.
Remember that this breakup doesn’t define you or your worth. It’s not a failure but a collection of valuable lessons learned and an opportunity for personal growth.
What did you learn from your breakup?
Related and recommended books:
My meditations from this blog:
My favourite meditations with affirmations:
I AM Morning Affirmations for Women
Feminine Energy Morning Affirmations
Powerful Affirmations For Women Claim Your Power
Feminine Self Love Affirmations
