What To Do If a Guy Isn’t Interested in You

Oct 05. 2023

Dating can be a challenging and emotionally taxing process. No matter how far you’ve progressed in a relationship, rejection hurts. What if a guy isn’t interested in you? Can you get him back? Let’s dive into how to know if a guy likes you and what to do if he doesn’t.

Men Are Not Foolish

We ladies often assume that men are clueless about many things, and we feel the need to make them realise what they might be missing and what’s good for them. While I generally agree that we should gently show to a man what he could potentially gain from being with us and pursuing us, it’s important to remember men are not foolish and they know exactly what is good for them. They know precisely what they want and when they want it.

A man can become overly absorbed in his work or deeply wounded to the point where he may not want the closeness of a relationship with a woman. However, it’s not your job to fix him or change him in this regard. Sometimes, a good man is broken and it’s his task to heal those wounds. He might not be ready, and it may take him time before he gathers the will and courage to try again. Do not wait for him, but simply move on with your life. It’s hard, but healthy. But occasionally, the fears he harbours inside might not hold up when he meets a woman who he feels is the real deal and the right fit for him.

A man knows

A man knows if he met his lady or a woman with significant potential. Nevertheless, it’s not your role to make him realise this. If he is your man who is meant to be with you, he will come to that conclusion in his own time. Just mind that what feels like two weeks to us, might feel like one day to men who perceive time passing differently. Therefore, focus on your own goals and aspirations in the meantime and allow him to figure that out on his own. Men need to believe that their actions and decisions are their own and that they are driven by their own ideas. That they have this self-agency and full autonomy.

Feminine Energy Doesn’t Chase; It Attracts

Let’s be honest with ourselves. Are we dating to become someone’s girlfriend or because we want to be a wife? This makes handling a guy who isn’t interested real simple. Read more about things men love in women that is actually beneficial to women.

It’s not your responsibility to make a man approach you and realise that you’re the one for him. You might feel tempted to take matters into your own hands and initiate contact with him yourself. Or impatience might lead you to take the role of the pursuer.

You do you

Listen, if this works for you, then by all means, you go girl. However, if you’re looking for a masculine man who treats you like a princess, provides you with the opportunity to relax, I wouldn’t recommend pursuing this strategy. Acting as the pursuer can often attract someone who leans more towards feminine, or yin energy in a relationship. Balance is essential in any relationship; you can’t have two leaders; you can’t have two pursuers. In such a scenario, you might unintentionally take on the leadership role. The man might like it at first, because it will tickle his ego, but will you both be content in these roles in the long run? It will also signal to a guy who is masculine that there’s nothing to see here. If it’s not what you envision for yourself, I suggest tapping into your feminine energy and focusing on ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’.

Men value more what they invested in, so easy come, easy go. Don’t make it effortless for him. You might think, come on. It’s the XXI century. Women can approach men if they want to. Yes, they can. But our biology hasn’t changed and if pursuing is in the genes of a man, there’s no way around it.

If you desire a masculine partner, you need to ask yourself one crucial question. What kind of woman is this man searching for? Then, aim to embody and behave like that woman.

There Are No Mixed Signals

How to know if a guy likes you? I’ve always believed that when a man is genuinely interested in me, there’s no room for doubt. I’ve also held the view that it’s the man’s role to make the initial approach and pursue the relationship, not mine. Consequently, the concept of mixed signals we try to decipher with our teams of besties, doesn’t really hold water. That’s because a man who is interested in you and could potentially become your husband will not leave you guessing about his intentions for too long.

Read more about the lessons I learned from my past relationships.

A man who likes you won’t behave in these ways:

He won’t initiate communication, and you may find yourself reaching out more often.
He’ll take an extended time to respond, more than 1-3 days, and is consistent in this behaviour.
He’ll act inconsistently – wants to meet up but then forgets about you for a week or two.
His responses will be short and lack engagement – doesn’t ask questions to get to know you better or understand what’s in your heart and mind.
He’ll cancel or reschedule plans frequently, possibly indicating disinterest or considering you as a last-minute option. He may ditch you when better plans come along.
He won’t initiate dates; instead, he’ll only text you when he’s bored.
He won’t offer to pay on the first date, and a few later ones, even though an interested man typically wants to invest in and provide for you in return for your appreciation and a sweet smile.
He’ll send mixed signals, causing you to gather your besties to analyse what he meant or why he suddenly stops responding
He won’t introduce you to his friends and family.
He won’t include you in his future plans he mentions to you.
He won’t reciprocate your efforts and enthusiasm in the relationship, leaving you feeling like you’re over-investing.
He may openly flirt with or date other people.

Like Attracts Like

On one hand, opposites can attract, especially when it comes to energy (masculine/feminine), as there needs to be a balance. However, we often attract what we already are.

If I am wounded and still carrying the scars of past childhood traumas and relationships without growth and healing, I’m likely to draw in people who also need healing themselves. Or, worse yet, they are searching for someone to fix them. This is why it’s so important to prioritise healing between relationships rather than rushing into a new one without proper emotional recovery, reflection and gaining more self-awareness.

In order to attract a man, who is whole, ready for commitment and won’t pull out a drama on you, but will crave a healthy, loving relationship, we need to take care of ourselves first.

To address the question of what to do if a guy isn’t interested anymore, my advice is simple: let him and do nothing. No begging, no pleading, no asking why. Simply respond with grace, checking-out mentally, and focus on taking exceptionally good care of yourself. Amen.

I really like Mel Robbins theory of “Let them”. It’s about acknowledging that you cannot control anyone in your life and if you just let them do what they want and be themselves, they reveal to you who they are and you regain your time and headspace otherwise spent on resentment and you get to choose what you do next.

So, if a guy isn’t interested anymore, consider these tips:

Accept His “No”

Accept his “no”, say “Okay, I trust you know what’s best for you”, and if you need to, go and cry and process your emotions. If a man isn’t into you, it’s his loss. Your man will not be hot and cold like this, and he will be afraid of losing you if he plays games like that. We are not here to beg people to want us in their life. Our time is valuable, and we know what a gift it is.

Learn to Detach

Learning to detach involves practising mindfulness, setting healthy boundaries, and redirecting your focus towards self-care and personal growth and learn to spend time alone productively. Identify your attachment style and work towards becoming securely attached. Learn to be happy with your life as a baseline, instead of attaching this outcome to other people. Learn to act out of love and not fear, which greatly helps with detaching oneself.

Give Yourself the Princess Treatment

Treat yourself so well that you will feel with your entire body this standard you have for yourself. You won’t settle for less of a treatment than that. When you set your boundaries and become your own best friend, people sense it and respect you for it. When someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, you can calmly inform them about this, or if it went too far – walk away. Read more about 18 signs that you are your best friend.

Make Yourself a Priority

You are the most important person in your life. All the changes you make to improve your life while still fostering a healthy relationship based on respect, will ultimately benefit both partners, if he is to come back or in the next relationship.

Adopt an Abundance Mindset

You need to develop an abundance mindset. It means dating with the understanding that there is a compatible partner out there for you and dozens of them, so you don’t have to compromise on critical aspects. Create a list of non-negotiables to know you can and cannot settle for in a partner.

Control Your Emotions

Rejection is part of the dating process and so is being vulnerable. Accept your feelings and emotions and process them as you need, and for how long as you need. Remember that there are no bad emotions, each is a loving message from your brain. Talk to a therapist if you have trouble with emotional regulation, or start journaling, or both.

Maintain Your Self-worth

Read more about how to become more confident. Remind yourself that it’s not your fault it didn’t work out. Sometimes people are not compatible or not ready, and a breakup might be a path that leads to something better in life. Trust that the right man would be here; it was not your guy then if he isn’t interested. You are worthy of the love and life you desire.

Don’t Stay Friends With Him

Letting him stay your friend will just make it easier on him to get over you and, eventually, forget you. If he proposes to stay friends, it’s because he will miss you in his life or maybe feels bad and wants to propose an alternative to alleviate this nasty feeling he gets. Explain that you only want romance from him, not friendship. You have plenty of friends. You are valuable, and you only grant access to you and your life to those who give even more in return for this privilege of having you in their life.

Have a Good Support System

Turn to friends, family and a therapist if possible to process your emotions properly. It might be tempting, but don’t stay alone too much, only as much as needed to heal and process what you’re feeling in the manner that comes to you naturally. Hang out with your friends and have fun. Create a life worth living.

Focus on Self-care

Every day is a new opportunity to spoil yourself with good treatment. Engage yourself in regular skincare, haircare, and overall maintenance of your looks and well-being. Remember that setting boundaries is also an act of self-care and a powerful one. Good self-care and self-love is a remedy for feeling lonely too.

Do Not Initiate Contact

If he wants to, he will reach out again. Then you can decide if you are comfortable with renewing the contact or if the hurt you’re feeling is too strong and he lost you in your eyes. Whatever feels best for you. You have plenty of friends and this one person won’t make much difference, believe me!

Date Many Men at the Same Time

Dating doesn’t mean sleeping around, though. But going on coffee dates and dinners with many men at the same time until one seems more engaged than others and wants commitment (and acts like it), this is when you can remove your dating apps. Your time is valuable, and there’s no harm in increasing the competition a little. Don’t tell them that, because it would be a bit manipulative to create a sense of urgency in them. But when they ask, say that it feels good to spend time together, and you enjoy his company very much, but you are not dating to be a girlfriend, but to be a wife. If he isn’t ready for commitment, you will know and won’t waste that much time.

You can read more about setting healthy boundaries in early dating and what rotational dating is by reading these blog posts by Sami Wunder.

Conclusion

Navigating the challenges of dating, especially when faced with a man who isn’t interested, can be emotionally taxing. Remember that men are not clueless; they know what they want, and it’s not your job to change a guy who isn’t interested. Embrace your feminine energy by allowing men to pursue you, and if their intentions are unclear, trust your instincts.

Understand that like attracts like, focus on self-improvement, maintain your self-worth, and set healthy boundaries. Accept that sometimes things don’t work out, and it’s not your fault. Learning to detach, prioritising self-care, and not initiating contact can help you regain control of your emotions and create a life filled with abundance. By dating with confidence and purpose, you’ll be one step closer to finding the partner who appreciates and values you for who you are.

What are your ways to deal with rejection and a guy who isn’t interested?

Share your commitments and ideas in the comments below!

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What To Do If a Guy Isn’t Interested in You

Oct 05. 2023