What does confidence mean to you? Is it when you enter the room and own it? Is it being able to talk to men freely and charm everybody around you? It seems like something we have because of external validation, but the path to confidence starts within you. Let’s explore how to be a more confident woman.
Internal or external force?
I used to think that I will be more confident when I have more experience or look better. Confidence is very difficult to achieve, as we often think that we need to get lots of validation from others in order to feel like we are crushing it in life.
When I envision confident women, Sharon Stone’s portrayal in Basic Instinct comes to mind. The way her character carries herself is truly impressive. She remains unshaken by others’ opinions or words, truly mastering self-assuredness. She’s crushing it.
She is also a psychopath.
Confidence is a psychological and emotional state of self-assurance, belief in one’s abilities, and a sense of certainty or trust in oneself. In addition, it is the feeling or belief that you have the competence, skills, and qualities necessary to successfully navigate various situations and challenges in your life.
So, is confidence an internal or external force? It’s something that comes from within you. It’s the way you feel and present yourself. Therefore, the question arises: why do we rely on external influences to bolster our confidence when its source lies within us?
Often, we focus too much on external factors, overshadowing the power of what’s internal. However, my approach to confidence begins with self-discovery. In other words, developing self-awareness and truly understanding myself is to me how to be a more confident woman. Someone, who goes for what she wants and lets go of things that do not serve her.
Confidence with men
With enough practice, everything is easier. So, if your idea of a confident woman involves being more outgoing and outspoken among men, you need to go out there, engage yourself in male company and practice.
However, from my personal perspective, I would not necessarily advocate a proactive approach and being a go-getter in interactions with men and romantic relationships. I lean more towards a traditional outlook and I prefer when a man initiates the pursuits. Many women share this preference as well. However, your approach might be different. In this case, the key here lies in practice and putting yourself out there.
Similarly, if people pay you compliments but you are becoming shy or struggling to respond in a witty way, practice is your ally. You can rehearse in front of a mirror, mastering the art of saying “thank you” gracefully or crafting witty comebacks. Engage in practice during social scenarios—whenever an opportunity arises.
You are an intelligent woman and the only thing that is missing here is the will to try and have fun with it. Most of the time the factor that immobilises us in such situations is fear. Overcoming this fear will significantly ease your interactions in many social contexts.
10 ways to be more confident
Here are a couple of points that helped me to be a more confident woman. These are applicable to both personal and work lives. Take time to introspect and contemplate these points, perhaps even consider journaling about them in both domains.
1. Know who you are and what you want
We could almost conclude after this point, because it all comes down to your self-concept. When you have a clear understanding of who you are and what you want, everything others say or do does not shake you much. Your path is defined and the rest is history. When people tell you something you know is not the truth, it will not upset you.
For instance, if someone remarks on your pink hair being weird and unappealing, you might simply smile, respond with an “okay” and move on, as you do not actually have pink hair. Such comments have no meaning. Extend this attitude to all sorts of misguided criticism that provide no value.
Similarly, clarify what you want. Write down what is important to you for your future and how you want to shape it. What are your job aspirations? What skills do you aim to improve?
2. Love your body and your looks
Whether we appreciate it or not, your appearance plays a role in your confidence. However, it’s not about others’ perceptions; it’s about your self-perception and self-love. Develop a skincare regimen, engage in physical activity, identify a style that resonates with you. Learn to work with what you have and make the best of it. Be comfortable in your own skin and attire. Accept yourself fully by practising radical acceptance.
3. Know your value and stand firm
Appreciate who you have evolved into and your accomplishments. Know the value you bring to others and respond assertively when your value isn’t acknowledged. Be confident in your knowledge, but also remain open to feedback. This reflects inner strength, an open mindset and shows you are a confident woman.
4. Establish and keep your boundaries
Boundaries are the ultimate testimony of self-care. They offer you respect from others and valuable time for yourself. Read more about how to set your boundaries.
5. Practise self-care and self-love
Indulge in loving kindness activities, self-compassion and nurturing. Integrate beauty rituals into your routine and reserve dedicated time every week or fortnight for spa-like evenings. You’ll feel well taken care of and pampered. Learn more about self love from this blog post.
6. Live authentically
Avoid engaging in activities that don’t resonate with you. Do not agree to things that make you feel uncomfortable. Be honest with yourself. For me a big part of living more authentically was to get more into my feminine energy and cultivate a sense of softness and ease.
While I leaned into my masculine energy throughout my 20s, I eventually recognised the need to shift towards a more relaxed, feminine approach. This change has been liberating, as the old pattern no longer serves its purpose and has been gracefully replaced.
7. Meditate with affirmations
Find guided meditations with affirmations for women on YouTube or Spotify. The “I Am” statements build confidence, because the needed validation comes from within rather than relying on external sources. Check out the meditations linked on my blog.
8. Compare yourself to yourself only
We do not compare ourselves here. Instead, direct your comparisons toward your past self. Have you grown over the last year or five? Are you wiser than you were a decade ago? If the answer is affirmative (which is likely!), you’re doing great and should continue with this momentum. Acknowledging and believing in your personal progress is key.
9. Befriend yourself
Confidence blossoms when you realise you’re never alone, equipped to beat any challenge no matter what. The secret weapon to feel that lies in befriending yourself—feel the love, strength, and support coming from within.
10. Appreciate yourself
Truly accept yourself and celebrate the woman you have become. Show genuine appreciation for your knowledge, actions and the challenges you’ve gracefully overcome. Moreover, express gratitude for learned lessons that have made you stronger and continue to teach you valuable wisdom.
BONUS Abandon the position of fear
In certain life situations, fear has the potential to paralyse us. It can prevent us from pursuing business ideas, meeting new people or we quit all due to fear: fear of imperfection, fear of rejection, fear of failure. We need to learn to act out of love and not fear.Combat these fears by practising relaxation techniques and confront the fear head-on. Be honest with yourself about the triggers and abandon these fearful thoughts that stop you from trying. Believe in your ability to navigate challenges. Steer clear of catastrophizing. Be okay with failing or being rejected sometimes. What’s the worst that can happen? You will be fine because you are resilient.
Conclusion
The journey towards how to be a more confident woman is a path of self-discovery, empowerment, and embracing authenticity. Confidence is not merely an external facade; it springs from within, rooted in a deep understanding of your self-worth. It’s a force that enables you to navigate life’s challenges with grace and resilience.
As you integrate the strategies discussed, from setting boundaries and embracing your appearance to fostering authenticity and self-care, you’ll find yourself on a transformative path. Remember, confidence isn’t a fixed destination but an ongoing journey—one that empowers you to stand tall, live authentically, and approach life’s challenges with a resilient spirit.
Moreover, the pursuit of confidence involves abandoning the fear that can hold us back. By confronting fear head-on, practising relaxation techniques, and releasing anxious thoughts, you unlock new possibilities. Above all, embracing failure as part of the journey and recognising your capacity to overcome obstacles further fuels your confidence.
Practice takes time. Are you ready to start today?
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