In the world of self criticism and doubt, find peace in the total opposite of it. Become your best friend to always have a supportive cheerleader by your side and if you sometimes make mistakes – like we all do – embrace the power of radical acceptance. Let’s explore what is radical acceptance and why we need it in our lives.
Acknowledge and Accept
Radical acceptance is a concept from dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) that involves fully and completely acknowledging reality without resistance and judgement, or attempts to change it. It means embracing things as they are, even if they are difficult or painful, in order to reduce suffering and improve emotional well-being.
By fully embracing what life throws at us, we remove the emotional burden that could potentially set us back for months, or even years. So, when life happens, we have a choice: we can let it crush us, or we can take it as it is and turn it into a lesson and an opportunity for growth.
First example I ever heard was about relapsing in the case of drug addicts. When they slip once, some are drawn back into the grip of their destructive habits as if rationalising “oh well, did it once already, might as well do it again, I’m such a failure anyway…”. It hits hard for me because I’ve fallen into this trap multiple times while trying to build some new good habits. Slipped once or twice and I was back at the bad behaviour. However, radical acceptance offers a liberating alternative. It’s about forgiving yourself and being your own friend. You tell yourself that you are human and that you are going to continue on the good path on the very next occasion or tomorrow.
Releasing Control
Radical acceptance can help us embrace what stoic principles are all about: surrender the control over the uncontrollable, and focus on what you can influence. It’s a waste of your breath and energy to dwell too much on things beyond our power. This is why acceptance is so crucial.
You see, we often spend time worrying about improbable scenarios or events we can’t control. Our thoughts shape our emotions. Think of the time you worried about something that you imagined can happen, for example about how an exam or work event might go badly. You came up with very elaborate scenarios to worry about and none of them happened but it created real emotions in you.
When you embrace radical acceptance, you start to understand and notice that only by accepting yourself unconditionally and whatever unfolds, can you experience the calmness and confidence needed to face anything. You’re always prepared because you know that no matter what, you have your own back, and you will face your own destiny and grow from it.
This is the spirit I embrace, and I wish the same for you – a life-altering perspective.
Buy the book Meditations
To expand your knowledge and learn more about examples of stoicism, releasing control and acceptance, I recommend this book that also changed my perception.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
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Your Way to Radical Acceptance
You can begin embracing radical acceptance today with these simple steps.
1. Let Go of Control
Recognise that you cannot control certain things, and that’s perfectly okay. Focus on what you can do and change through your actions and adjusted attitude. What you can influence – act on, and what you cannot – accept. Some of us are perfectionists who can’t stand how other people approach things, but remember – perfect is the enemy of done. It’s better to let someone do things their way than needing to do everything ourselves.
2. Acknowledge Your Emotions
There are no bad emotions. We often experience overwhelming emotions we’d rather not deal with, so we sweep them under the rug. As a result, they keep coming back even stronger. Perhaps it’s because we don’t want to face them, judging ourselves for feeling these uncomfortable emotions. Have you reproachfully asked yourself, “Why do I have to feel this way?” – as if it’s a pure inconvenience? However, once you understand that emotions are here to convey a message from our brain, a loving message, you start looking at them with curiosity they deserve. Why am I feeling this? What does it mean? Take a moment to observe and accept what you feel currently without judgement. Allow yourself to feel them without trying to change or suppress them and treat yourself like you would a dear friend.
3. Mindful Breathing
The fastest way to relax and connect with your body is to follow the natural rhythm of your breathing. Engage in deep and mindful breathing to stay present in the moment. It helps reduce stress and increase awareness of your thoughts and emotions. Remind yourself during the day to focus on what’s in front of you at the moment instead of letting your thoughts and worries go wild.
Meditate with me by visiting my YouTube channel or exploring some meditations linked here.
4. Challenge Your Negative Thoughts
Foster a more accepting mindset by observing your negative emotions. Notice what kind of narrative you create in your head about yourself, your life, and events you face. Are you putting yourself down? Try to replace these thoughts with a more realistic approach as you see them creep in. These negative thoughts may fuel resistance or even escalate into a negative spiral of emotions. Find a way to remind yourself during the day to check in with your thoughts and emotions. You can place some small stickers around the house or wear a bracelet as prompts that remind you about it every time you see them.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. We’re often our harshest critics, but we should be our best friends. Forgive yourself for past mistakes or lack of awareness you had in the past that led to regrets. Acknowledge that imperfections and mistakes are part of being human. Self-compassion and self-forgiveness enhance your ability to accept yourself and your circumstances. You’re doing better than you think! It’s okay if you slip up. Approach tomorrow with the same determination as before, knowing that mistakes happen, and continue on your right path.
Conclusion
We learned what is radical acceptance and why we need it. We’ve explored the transformative power of acknowledging and embracing reality without judgement. Radical acceptance, rooted in dialectical behaviour therapy, offers a path to reduce suffering and enhance emotional well-being by surrendering control over the uncontrollable. Letting go of the futile pursuit of perfection and accepting ourselves unconditionally can be liberating.
Life is unpredictable, filled with moments beyond our control. Radical acceptance teaches us to face these moments with resilience, turning challenges into opportunities for growth. By understanding the messages our emotions convey and practising mindfulness, we build a foundation for self-compassion. Embracing this mindset allows us to navigate negative thoughts, forgive ourselves for past mistakes, and appreciate our journey as imperfect but inherently human.
As you embark on your way to radical acceptance, remember to let go of control, acknowledge your emotions, practise mindful breathing, challenge negative thoughts, and extend self-compassion. Embrace the spirit of acceptance, and may your journey lead to a life-altering perspective filled with growth, resilience, and self-love.
Which of the steps to radical acceptance will you start with?
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