New Year is just around the corner! Christmas and New Year’s is the time we often wish we had someone. It’s magical and cosy, bringing people together and highlighting our solitude when we’re asked “So, is there that special someone in your life?” Ugh. For this reason, it’s a good time to reflect on our desires and create a plan to find a good partner in 2024. Let’s explore the top 8 New Year’s resolutions to find love!
Why Even Bother?
The state of the current dating market might not be inspiring for many. We experience an unprecedented market of online dating, trying to navigate something no one in our history has done before. I have some fantastic single girlfriends who are so tired and disappointed with dating that they just chill at home, cooking for themselves, travelling solo, and creating their own peace due to that online dating fatigue. That’s why we need brand new new year’s resolutions to find love
The mindset we bring into the dating scene matters a lot.
If you expect the worst, that’s likely what’ll happen. So, expect the best!
In the past, I never really committed to online dating, always just lurking and not convinced I would even find someone who shares my values. As within, so without, and my motivation soon vanished, leaving my ass single again.
Don’t get me wrong, I love singlehood. This blog is all about it! However, I realised that while being single is great and has worked for me so far, it’s actually an easier and somewhat cowardly path.
It’s always easier to retreat and close yourself off in your single bubble than go out there, expose yourself and be vulnerable to potential hurt. That’s why I’ve decided I want to go out there, date, and learn from men I meet. My goal was to be ready and have my emotions in check when the real thing comes along. But also just to receive and enjoy their masculine energy from them.
Release the Control and Surrender
The first thing we have to realise is that we cannot control everything. We don’t know what’s going to happen to us, whom we’ll meet, how they’ll react. We might get rejected, ghosted, laughed at, or our sense of safety might be at times disturbed as well. Many things can happen.
But it’s not within your control. The only thing we can control is how we behave and what we think and feel.
To me, it’s very empowering, actually.
You can decide whether a rejection hurts you. Without assigning it any meaning, it’s just a neutral event that has taken place.
You can decide who you let into your life, and if they’ve proven they are worth granting them access to you, because it’s a privilege to be in your life.
You can decide how you feel about events. It’s up to you to keep your anxiety on a leash and enter your unbothered girl era.
Surrender to the moment, let men show up and be consistent without you assigning it any meaning if they fail to do so. Realise the power your thoughts have on what you feel and use it to your advantage by wiring yourself with positive thoughts!
How to Start End-of-Year Self-Reflections
It’s good to look back and analyse what we’ve learned the past year as well as set the intentions we want to enter the new year with. I’m a huge fan of journaling, so I encourage you to use these prompts. Keep it positive and truly feel what you’ve experienced. Be grateful for each experience as they contributed to the person you are today.
Even negative situations were lessons learned and something that enriches our wisdom and experience.
These are my favourite prompts for end-of-year reflections. Remember to really feel everything you’re writing:
- Lessons learned in the past year.
- My wins and achievements of the past year.
- Things I’m grateful for at this moment.
- What do I want my life to look like in a year from now?
- What are my priorities and core values?
- What new triggers have I identified in the past year?
Single at Christmas? Here’s a Survival Guide
Sometimes, Christmas can be a very lonely time. With people gathering around, it often seems like everyone already has someone. It’s also a very romantic time of daily lights, cosy aesthetics, mistletoe, good gestures, kindness and understanding.
In the cosily lit December, I often feel that I have so much love to give that it sometimes feels overwhelming. I would otherwise feel good if not for the thoughts that come to my mind and shape my emotional response. I need constant reminders to keep myself on the track with new year’s resolutions to find love.
To survive this time, remember these reminders:
- Our thoughts create our emotions. Focus on the romantic atmosphere as it is, something to soak in and cherish once a year, without assigning it any emotional meaning.
- If you have a negative spiral of emotions, try to just acknowledge these feelings and tell yourself something contrasting, even if you don’t initially believe it. Finish by telling yourself something nice (“You’re doing so well!”).
- Cry if you need to, especially while watching some touching films.
- Be grateful for the time spent with friends and family. Appreciate them and be happy about their happiness.
- Smile at people you see in streets and shops. Such micro-connections can boost our mood too.
- Remember that we feel more emotional because we are in the winter survival mode. It’s cold, it’s dark, so not every intrusive, negative thought is here to stay and wouldn’t be here if not for the gloom we face outside.
- Your future is hopeful and you’re on the right path. Trust the process!
- If someone asks you if there’s a special someone in your life, respond unbothered with a simple “no” 😀
Your New Resolutions
Detach
In short, detachment is when you stop depending on other people for your happiness. It involves removing yourself from situations where you’re not welcome or your boundaries are not respected, instead of crying and begging the other person to see it. People know exactly what they’re doing, and it’s up to you to set and maintain your standards. Read more about my tips on how to detach.
Start a Scripting Journal
You can try manifesting scripting to write down what you feel when you achieve what you want and what your dream life looks like with your dream man. It’ll give you peace of mind and help you get rid of that desperate energy of wanting things here and now that we women often feel, pressured by our biology to speed things up. You’ve got this, and everything you desire is on its way! Our path to love is not the one we work on. We , as women, just have to show up and let the right man be attracted and pursue us.
Understand Anxiety
Anxiety is a silent enemy that sometimes sabotages even good things in our lives. It’s important to work on keeping your anxiety at bay, and you can start while single or casually going on coffee dates with men. Observe your thoughts without judgement when they don’t respond to your messages or reject you. This is great training. You can also think back to your past relationships and try to identify moments you felt anxious. What were the triggers? Why were they triggering you? Do the work on your emotional regulation and do it with curiosity, not judgement.
Date with a Purpose
Create a list of non-negotiables and have a specific goal in mind when dating for real. When you meet men, remember your goals and decide if this person can and wants to get you closer to your goal. It’s not selfish; it’s having an abundance mindset and not settling for anything less than you want from life. This will help you see things clearly and not emotionally. We women in dating sometimes attach too quickly and base our actions and emotions on what WE feel. Instead, be strategic and only mirror the man’s behaviour, so that you don’t overinvest.
Cultivate Self Love and Confidence
We project our value to the world. People see us as we see ourselves in a way because we radiate our insecurities as well as our confidence. The solution is simple, even if not necessarily easy – build your confidence. Start with introducing more self love into your life (and why it’s important in a relationship) and strengthen your self-concept because once you know who you are and what you want, not many things can shake you emotionally. Improve your confidence by starting the inner work first!
Set Healthy Boundaries
Know your limits and never be afraid to communicate them. Men will not always respond to them positively, so don’t be discouraged – how they respond is valuable information and a good way to get to know someone. Men will test you and bend the rules to see how much you allow them. If you allow too much, your value in their eyes goes down. They see good and worthwhile things by how much effort it costs them to get it – easy come, easy go. And, more importantly, if you allow for something that feels uncomfortable for you, you also feel the ick. Be authentic with what you feel and what feels good to you. It’s okay to say “I don’t feel comfortable with this” or “I need some time to think about it”. Be calm when expressing yourself and consider how it feels in your body. Tune into your intuition and don’t allow others to disrespect you!
Know What You Want
Spend some time on self-reflection and meditation to get to know yourself and what you truly want from life. You can journal and use some journal prompts to write freely and explore your wants and needs. Try these prompts and don’t put any limits of yourself, let your imagination and true desires flourish:
- What do I like and don’t like to do?
- What are my values? What is important to me?
- What are my non-negotiables?
- What did I achieve that I’m proud of?
- What would my perfect day look like? How do I want to spend my days?
There are more prompts available in this blog post.
Expand Social Circles and Try New Activities
Try something new and meet new people. Try new hobbies and leave the house. I know it’s awesome inside; it’s peaceful and safe. But change is good. Expose yourself, form new connections, and just explore what’s out there. Open your mind and your heart. How to do it? One small step at the time. Ask yourself, what is the smallest step I can take now that will bring me closer to my goal? It might be as small as smiling at people during your walks. If you want to start running, your first step would be to put on the running shoes. For now that’s enough. One tiny step at the time. You’ve got this!
Conclusion
We’ve explored some good tips on new year’s resolutions to find love. From releasing control and surrendering to understanding anxiety, setting healthy boundaries, and cultivating self-love, each resolution serves as a stepping stone towards a fulfilling and intentional approach to dating.
Embracing the festive season and the challenges it may bring, especially for those single at Christmas, becomes an opportunity for self-discovery and resilience. By acknowledging emotions, expressing gratitude, and recognising the impact of external factors on our feelings, we navigate through the winter survival mode with hope and trust in the process.
Your new year’s resolutions to find love, encompassing detachment, scripting for manifestation, dating with purpose, and knowing what you want, provide a roadmap for growth. Self-reflection, expanding social circles, and trying new activities encourage a proactive mindset. As we enter the new year, armed with these resolutions, remember that each small step towards change contributes to the transformative journey of finding love in 2024. You’ve got this!
How do you deal with lonely time at Christmas? 🙂
Share your commitments and ideas in the comments below!
Recommended next post to read:
WHY IT’S AMAZING TO BE SELECTIVE ABOUT A PARTNER
HOW TO NOT FEEL ALONE EVER AGAIN AND BE HAPPY
18 POWERFUL SIGNS YOU’RE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND
