Relationship boundaries may appear as high walls built around a person to some, a means of creating distance. Some might even see them as selfish, inflexible, or uncooperative. Nevertheless, boundaries safeguard what is sacred to you and promote self-respect, while also encouraging others to respect you in return. No matter if the relationships in question are between you and others, or the relationship with yourself.

Why is it important?

Firstly, personal limits serve as your initial line of defence with the world: work, acquaintances, family, friends, and partners. Moreover, they protect your time and maintain a feeling of authentic sense of comfort.

We desire others to appreciate us and respect our time, and setting relationship boundaries is a way to attain this. By doing so, you become your own guardian, constantly supporting yourself as your best friend, relying on self-advocacy. This is vital for preserving your emotional and mental well-being and it’s a form of self love and self-care.

Read more about 18 signs that you are your best friend.

By drawing lines, you free up time for personal growth and meaningful pursuits, allowing others to appreciate your absence and miss you. You can invest your time in what feels important to you: a side project, walk in nature, an interesting read or simply a quality time with someone else or yourself.

Healthy relationships thrive with well-communicated limits, preventing overcommitment and reducing conflicts and resentment. They help to maintain mutual respect and prevent unmet expectations.

If a person has sensible boundaries in place, it indicates they have reflected on what holds significance for them and where their limits lie. This demonstrates maturity and personal growth, as it necessitates a solid grasp of personal values, needs, priorities, and limits. Therefore, such self-awareness inspires respect from others.

The importance of boundaries in a relationship

Men won’t openly admit it, but they appreciate the word ‘no’. They admire women with clear boundaries, just as much as they value women with hobbies, interests, and projects.

Maintaining your life as it was before the relationship and setting ‘me time’ boundaries ensures a healthy balance between your individuality and togetherness. It preserves your independence and prevents over-investment.

Your man is not stupid and he is very intuitive. and if you give too much too soon, his interest may wane. Men want to feel that they earn after they invest in you – treating you like royalty, devoting time and emotions. Otherwise, it’s all too fleeting. And we don’t want things to be too easy. Men appreciate a good challenge in a woman. Otherwise it’s just easy come, easy go.

When your boundaries are not respected

For instance, I don’t know about you, but when my boundaries are not respected, I have a very icky feeling. It’s like when someone gets too close or touches your legs ‘accidentally’ in public transport – you feel caught off guard and stunned. Is this really happening right now??. When this happened to me in my 20s, I froze and moved away to avoid the touch. But sometimes, the person persisted. If I did nothing however, they would just go on with more mistreatment.

In non-touch related situations, when my limits are crossed, I get a similar feeling, not physically, but deep within. It’s an intuitive sense that something is off. Maybe a friend insists on something you don’t want to do, or your mother pushes you to make a decision. It’s crucial to be true to yourself and do what feels authentic in those moments.

These situations may trigger a sense of discomfort. Don’t dismiss this feeling – pay attention to it.

It starts with you

We expect others to respect our boundaries when we communicate them clearly. However, it’s crucial to realise that if we don’t uphold our limits ourselves and allow others to continuously push them without any reaction, it can backfire.

This sends a message that we are unsure about our limits and don’t truly respect them. Then can we expect others to respect them?

To gain respect for our personal limits, we must first demonstrate our commitment to them.

Here are five important ways to set your boundaries:

Maintaining boundaries with yourself

First thing to do is for you to set boundaries for yourself and keep them. This way, you will learn what it means to have boundaries and your whole energy will change. It has a bit to do with self-discipline as well. People will sense the change in you, because in order to get from others what you want to get, you need to give it to yourself first. If you have personal boundaries (and rules), you keep a promise to yourself. Examples of personal promises:

• I never eat sweets after 6pm.
• I will not engage in negative self-talk.
• Every Sunday, I do a spa day for my body.
• I don’t attend events that don’t feel classy to me.
• I go to bed before 11pm.

Mirroring the behaviour of others

In some relationships you might feel like you give more than you receive. To avoid overinvesting, mirror their behaviour. If you always reach out to a friend and feel resentful because of it, let go and go out with someone else. Or even better: treat yourself to a museum or cinema. It works well in a new relationship also. You do not want to be the clingy one, who gives a man too much time and attention. Give as much time as you receive.

The power of “no”

Being assertive is vital in setting one’s boundaries. If you have problems with saying ‘no’, you need to work on your self love and self-respect. Being assertive may seem risky to some. This happens if a person comes from a place of fear and scarcity mindset. Adopt an abundance mindset, knowing those who don’t respect your ‘no’ don’t belong in your life, regardless of their closeness to you.

React immediately

It’s quite hard, but when you are dealing with a behaviour that is undermining your dignity, address it right away. Waiting a couple of days or until it happens again enables further testing of your boundaries. You are the primary guard of your boundaries and if you react with delay, people will see you as a doormat. By reacting at once you break the pattern. Practise responding with confidence, saying, “I don’t like when you speak to me like that.” Moreover, if you experience the same, rather bad behaviour again, you can also ignore it to not feed the attention-seeking troll or…

Walk away

Calmly remove yourself from uncomfortable situations. Just grab your jacket and say “I need to get some fresh air”. By doing so, you communicate your standards and show you are beyond any situation where you get less than you deserve. You are fearless. You preserve energy by not engaging in arguments and you set an example of your value and self-respect to others. Walking away protects you from emotional distress.

People who resist or criticise your changes likely benefited from your lack of boundaries. By establishing personal limits, you prioritise your well-being and self-worth.

Conclusion

Relationship boundaries may be confused as high walls that create distance or seen as selfish and inflexible. However, they safeguard what is sacred to us and promote self-respect, commanding respect from others. They are vital in various aspects of life, protecting our time and ensuring authenticity in relationships with friends, family, partners, and colleagues.

By setting clear limits, we desire appreciation and respect from others. Embracing assertiveness, we prioritise self-love and mental well-being. When our boundaries are not respected, we experience discomfort and must address it to protect our sense of self.

Leading by example, we respect our own boundaries to gain respect from others. By mirroring others’ behaviour, we avoid overinvesting and maintain balance. Saying ‘no’ assertively and reacting promptly to boundary violations empower us, while calmly walking away from uncomfortable situations communicates our standards and preserves emotional well-being.

In this journey of self-discovery, personal limits show that we value our well-being and expect mutual respect from those around us.

Recommended next post to read:

HOW THE GROWTH MINDSET CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE

WHY IT’S AMAZING TO BE SELECTIVE ABOUT A PARTNER

Recommended podcast:

Abby Medcalf podcast about relationship boundaries