We often forget one fundamental law of the universe: we attract what we are, not what we want. If your mind is always focused on unfulfilled desires, you will only attract more unfulfillment and desires that will never truly make you happy. So we need to work on our self-concept first. What is self-concept? Let’s find out and learn how to work on your self-concept for lasting love.
Are You Ready to Keep Your Manifested Desires?
What even is self-concept? Concept of self is how you see yourself and project who you think you are to the world. It includes all the beliefs you hold about yourself, the stories you’ve been telling yourself and others about yourself and your life. It’s the narrative you present to the world, encompassing what you can and cannot do. All the assumptions about yourself, either learned from others or developed on your own, including your positive and negative self-talk.
We often focus on what we want and how to get it but we forget an important ingredient to keeping the desire. Let’s say that you really want love. You’re looking for a man. And you meet him; he’s perfect, and things are going really well.
But after some time, you start to feel unsettled and a bit anxious. You think that maybe this is too good to be true and start to spiral into the familiar patterns. Thoughts about past relationships and your parents’ divorce start to creep in. Your fears begin to rear their ugly heads. Your self-concept keeps reminding you that you’re not worthy of this, and self-sabotage starts to unfold. You break up a couple of months later.
You manifested that love, but your self-concept was not ready to keep it. This is why it’s so important to work on our self-concept before we can truly attract what we want and feel like we truly deserve it, like we’re worthy of money, love, security – all the good stuff! Because you are worthy, and these are your birthright. You just have to overwrite the old programming and write a new story for yourself.
The Universe Only Throws at You What You’re Ready For
The universe is a mirror, and we attract what we are, not what we want. We can get what we truly want only after we are authentic with ourselves and understand ourselves. For this, we need consistent work on ourselves through meditation, self-reflection, self-acceptance, and truly knowing who we are and what our desires are.
On this blog, I encourage everyone to create a list of non-negotiables. What is this? It’s a list of the must-have qualities in a future partner, such as your values, future plans, and lifestyle. Compatibility is key, so there’s no way around it. However, to get there, you need to know what you want.
After you’ve created your list of non-negotiables, we need to fulfil one more, very important step. And this step probably takes the longest in the whole process. Remember how I mentioned that we attract what we already are? Look at the list you created and ask yourself: am I a woman this man would search for? The things I expect from him, have I done for myself first?
Do you love yourself? Are you obsessed with yourself? Because how can we expect a man to love us and be obsessed with us if we don’t feel that about ourselves first? Give the love you deserve to yourself first. Give yourself that princess treatment. Set boundaries with yourself first before you do with others. Because we teach others how to treat us and love us by how we treat and love ourselves.
Everything You Need is Already Within You
On this journey of finding love, something very interesting happens. The deeper you dig within yourself, the more you see that it was never about finding love in another person. It was about finding it within you.
Do you know that you already embody love? You are the source of love. You are so abundant in love that there’s no way to run out of it. Sometimes people say, “I have so much love to give but nobody to give it to.” It’s true, but you can give it to yourself first, then to others, the world, the universe, and still be left with love in you.
If you don’t think you love yourself but you want to try and get there, you already love yourself. You’ve just shown it to yourself. Where else do you think the trying is coming from?
The only constant source of fulfilment is when you find it in yourself. Nobody can give it to you long-term; only you can give it to yourself. Nobody else will breathe for you and nobody else will feel the love for you. It can all only start with you. I hope this empowers you more than discourages you. Why place your success on someone else? We have no control over others. We do, however, have control over ourselves, and that is something we can manage. I think this is fantastic news.
Tips for Your Self-Concept
Get to Know Yourself
Sit with yourself and meditate. Treat every trigger as input on what you need to work on. Observe your thoughts and behaviours in various situations. How do you think and react? Is this how you want to show up, or should you work on it? You can do a bit of revision at the end of the day and imagine how the new version of you would react to the situations you wish had turned out differently. You can learn more about what revision is and how to do it from this video.
Realise You Are Love, Abundance, and the Source of All Fulfilment
We learned to place power onto others to make us happy and fulfilled. “I will be happy when I get that job, guy, or buy that thing.” And when we get it, we still come up with new things that will surely make us feel happy this time. It never does. We always come back to our happiness baseline. It’s the state you feel between your fulfilled desires that gives you a spike of joy for a little while. Realise that the source of all fulfilment is you. Your self-love is the foundation, and everything else is a true cherry on top.
Forgive and Accept Yourself
When we work on our self-concept, it’s by definition a way to change yourself. However, before we can change, we have to accept ourselves, because otherwise a change would be another condition towards self-love (if I am like this then I love myself kind of narrative). We first have to accept and understand ourselves, then comes forgiveness for our past mistakes. And that is the truest form of self-acceptance. When you love yourself and accept yourself, you can start implementing changes. Change is rather a fruit of acceptance.
Go Within – the Hermit Mode
Working on yourself requires some sacrifices. You have to fully commit to you and your new habits. Schedule morning and evening meditation, engage in lots of rest, and please yourself with whatever you feel like at the moment. It might mean that for a while, you’ll lock yourself away from too many social engagements to have the headspace and focus to actually do it. You can either do it fully or partially, but the result or speed of changes will be proportional to the attention you give yourself.
Positive Affirmations for Sleep
If you don’t yet have an idea of what kind of person you wish to be, start with generic positive affirmations, like the ones on my YouTube channel. Play them as you sleep, quietly, and let your subconscious mind do the work for you. You’re exposing your subconscious to positive statements about yourself while it’s least resistant because the rational guardian, your conscious mind, has checked out for the day. When you know more, order custom positive affirmations here.
Make a List of Qualities
Who’s the new you? Write down the qualities of the person you want to be and act and think from the perspective of this person from now on. If you want, you can first write down the list of your current traits and then destroy it. She doesn’t exist from this moment. Then write a new list. You can start by journaling with these prompts:
- What kind of person do I want to be in 6-12 months from now?
- What does a day in the life of this person look like?
- What does she think of herself?
- How does she solve her problems?
- What does she do to keep a good relationship with herself?
- How do others perceive her?
Live in the End
Where do we start? At the end of course! Visualise your desire before sleep, see yourself as this person. Imagine going through your past day as this new version – it’s like revisioning but living through it. Gather all the feelings associated with the person you already are. How does it feel to be so worthy of love and so loved? How is it to go through life knowing that you’re divinely guided and that everything goes your way? Seed your mind with these feelings every night and see yourself change. This is a very powerful way how to work on your self-concept and results from the Law of Assumption.
Find Your Desires
There’s no happy you without having a life you love. If your situation is less than desirable, engage in self-reflection to discover your desires. If nothing comes to mind, try this: write down in your journal how you want your perfect day in the future to look. Add more details over time. At some point, you will start seeing examples of other people already having the life you wish to have, and you can follow their path as well. Jealousy is a powerful and useful tool because it tells you about your potential desires. Once you know them, you will be able to find a way towards them. Or rather – your subconscious mind will.
Conclusion
This is why you the work on your self-concept is the foundation for attracting and maintaining the love you desire. By understanding and accepting yourself, you pave the way for authentic relationships that reflect your true worth. Remember, the love you seek externally must first be cultivated within. Embrace self-love, set clear boundaries, and rewrite the narrative of your life to align with your true desires.
Incorporating these practices into your daily routine will not only help you attract love but also empower you to sustain it. By nurturing your self-concept through meditation, self-reflection, and positive affirmations, you create a solid foundation for lasting fulfilment. Your journey to love begins with recognising your inherent worth and allowing yourself to embody the love and abundance that are already within you.
Recommended next post to read:
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