When we enter a new relationship, the love haze can quickly absorb us and lead to a strong attachment too early. And when the relationship ends, we often feel devastated and as if we gave too much, leaving us with a sense of emptiness. For this reason, it’s important to explore the tips on how to stop over-investing in a relationship.
Dating Nowadays Leaves Us Exhausted
A woman determines the pace of the relationship with her boundaries. When a high-value woman starts dating, or even if she’s already in a relationship with a man, certain rules and standards need to be in place before anything can happen. I want to inspire all women to prioritise themselves and their goals this way and see a man as a partner in building the life she desires.
Access to you is a privilege. Read that again. Nowadays, if a man wants to have access to a woman, all he has to do is go to a bar and look somewhat presentable. He doesn’t need to have good self-discipline, values, provider mindset, finances in check, or clearly communicated intentions. And while this approach may work for some, I am of the opinion that it doesn’t serve society well, particularly women.
In the constant fear of being alone, we often agree for the bare minimum just to experience human touch and have someone by our side. This is not how a high-value woman operates; she recognises that her time, energy, and attention are her most valuable assets.
It’s essential for women to understand how to stop over-investing in a relationship to avoid feeling exhausted and depleted.
A High-Value Woman in Dating
If you want to prevent exhaustion in dating and in life, realise that by prioritising others and their problems and reactions, you expend your energy on them. Energy flows where attention goes. By focusing on what is beyond our control, we deplete ourselves of vital energy, leaving nothing for ourselves.
A high-value woman doesn’t do that. Instead, she focuses on herself and prioritises her life, goals, and needs. She doesn’t allow things to progress too quickly, setting the pace with her boundaries, knowing that people, especially men, value only what they invest in. What comes easy, goes easy.
She doesn’t tolerate mixed signals from a man because a man who wants her leaves no room for doubt. The man she seeks is self-disciplined, but she herself exhibits even higher levels of self-discipline. We attract what we are, not what we want.
She is patient and doesn’t rush things because she lives without fear. She knows that the right man for her would not be discouraged by the slow pace of the relationship – he will respect that. Her confidence radiates because she is certain of her value.
Are You Codependent?
Codependency is a psychological and emotional condition that often involves prioritising others’ needs and emotions above one’s own. It affects our ability to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.
By excessively relying on someone else for approval, identity, and self-worth, we create unhealthy dynamics in romantic relationships, burdening the other person with the expectation of being our everything.
Read more about the importance of self love in a relationship.
However, codependency is not entirely our own fault; it often develops in response to dysfunctional family dynamics, childhood trauma, or other adverse experiences. Moreover, those who grow up in households where there is addiction, abuse, or neglect are particularly susceptible to developing codependent behaviours as a way to cope with the challenging environment.
Codependency is a learned behaviour, which means we can also unlearn it and completely eliminate it from our lives. It takes time but is entirely possible with consistent self-reflection and actions from the place of love, not fear. Healing your codependency will help you stop over-investing in a relationship.
My Husband Would Never Do That
We are women who believe they deserve a good relationship! Yes, we are. We know our value and we don’t allow anybody into our life just anybody because we fear being alone. Quite the opposite.
We’re not afraid to be alone for a while, knowing that if we hang out in a shitty situationship, the man who is for us wouldn’t find us or see us.
When I’m dating and I see a behaviour in a man that people call “red flag”, I lose my interest. If he’s interested enough, he will find me and improve his behaviour and if not, I save my precious time.
I start saying to myself: my husband would never do this. My husband would be patient and would like to take things slow and he would enjoy every minute of it. Because smart people know that good things take time. And when we wait for something long enough and if we invest in it and then it comes, it is sweeter and more rewarding that way and we become stronger.
Saying this to your partner right now, in a jokey kind of way would be charming, too. “My husband would never say this to me” with a smile and the message will be received in a light way, trust me!
Tips on How to Stop Over-Investing
1. Prioritise Yourself
Always make your ambitions, time, and needs your priority. Don’t let society convince you that this is selfish—critics only say that because they know they couldn’t match your energy in such a form. They rather see you on their level than above it.
Don’t drop everything just because a man has a free slot and wants to meet up – have your own schedule and lead a busy life. And yes, a scheduled relaxation, self-care or even doing nothing at all are valid plans for the day, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you spend your time. Learn to say: “no” without giving an elaborate explanation.
2. Mirror Them
Try to adjust your enthusiasm towards a man based on how he treats you and how much he invests in you in terms of energy, time, and also material goods. Mirror their energy towards you and reciprocate with your attention. This way, a person has to earn you and your trust and you protect yourself from over-investing emotionally too soon in the relationship.
Remember, you’re the protagonist of your life and you know your worth. Adopt the main character energy. People need to prove they are worthy of your time! Instead of worrying if they like you, ask yourself: Do I even like them for who they are showing me to be? Not the idealised, potential version of them I want to believe in.
3. Set Your Boundaries
Start communicating and enforcing your boundaries from day one of any relationship. First of all, start by setting and keeping the boundaries with yourself to build self-trust. If you commit to eating healthier – follow through. If you say you’ll go to the gym in the morning – follow through. Every time we break a promise to ourselves, the trust erodes. Don’t let down the most important person in your life – you.
And when your boundaries are crossed, communicate them. If they continue to be disrespected, walk away. Don’t engage in arguments that show you’re triggered. Walk away and let your actions speak louder than your words.
4. Self-Regulate Emotionally
Learn to regulate your emotions on your own and react to the ones that try to warn you. Emotions are the residue of past experiences – a delayed response of your nervous system to what was going on in the past. Don’t share every emotion before you reflect on where they come from and if they should be brought into somebody else’s attention.
Emotions are a loving message from your brain that should tell you something about yourself and your situation. Meditate to observe and get to know your emotions. Check meditation videos on my YouTube channel and download the free resource for emotional control I created.
In the eBook you will find:
- motivation to kick-start your self-discovery journey
- ways to control your emotions
- ways to work on your dream life and the best version of you!
- ways to boost your confidence and improve your self-concept
5. Trust Your Process
Believe that what you want in life will come to you. Trust that the universe is on your side and it conspires in your favour. You’re a lucky girl – believe this! Trust your path and your life and you will never again feel desperation or anxiety. If you’re dating a man who sends mixed signals or doesn’t give you the princess treatment – act from the place of love and walk away.
Tell yourself: my husband would never do or say that to me. Dating will become so much easier. Trust your intuition and learn to discern between intuition and anxiety speaking in you and to you. The more you trust your intuition, the better it works, and the more you improve at it. Understand that the opposite of anxiety isn’t calm but trust.
Conclusion
When studying how to stop over-investing in a relationship to create healthy and fulfilling relationships, it’s crucial to avoid over-investing and prioritise your own well-being. By implementing these tips, you can establish boundaries, mirror healthy relationship dynamics, and focus on your personal growth and happiness. Remember, your time, energy, and needs are valuable assets that deserve your utmost attention and care.
Learning to prioritise yourself doesn’t mean being selfish; it means recognizing your own worth and setting standards for how you want to be treated. By mirroring the level of investment from your partner and setting clear boundaries from the start, you empower yourself to cultivate relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.
Ultimately, trusting in your own journey and intuition will guide you towards relationships that align with your values and aspirations. By embodying self-confidence and self-regulation, you can navigate dating and relationships with clarity and authenticity, ensuring that you invest your energy wisely and reap the rewards of balanced and fulfilling connections.
Based on your experience, what are the ways to stop over-investing in a relationship?
Share your commitments in the comments below.
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