How negative thoughts thrive in your mind

Jul 23. 2023

Personal development starts with your mindset. Stop negative thoughts

Throughout my life, I never received much emotional education. I used to believe that staying busy and avoiding dwelling on things would bring me peace, enough to maintain healthy relationships and a generally smooth existence with myself, ignoring my negative thoughts. As it often happens, the coping mechanisms we develop during childhood and early adulthood might work well for a while, but eventually, they become outdated for the current stage of life we’re in.

Life got pretty hectic as I threw myself into numerous projects, travels, social events, and work commitments. But too much of a good thing can be exhausting! I found myself craving peace and serenity to balance it all out. So, I decided to slow down a bit, seeking a sense of calm in my daily routine. However, with that newfound tranquillity came some unexpected challenges.

Pin How negative thoughts thrive in your mind

As I had more time to reflect and ponder, I couldn’t help but overthink things—a habit I used to avoid like the plague! As it turns out, constantly keeping up a frantic pace wasn’t sustainable. My body rebelled, leading to unforeseen setbacks in my physical health. And guess what? My mental health started taking a hit too.

Feeling stuck in a cycle of disappointment and unfulfillment is tough. Sometimes, life’s challenges and health constraints can leave us feeling like our own unhappy brain is our constant companion. You find yourself surrounded by people who constantly disappoint you as you expected so much more from your family, friends, partner, colleagues.

You notice that the job you have sucks all your juices out of you and leaves you with enough energy to be a static vegetable sitting in front of the tv with a tv show in front of you. As much as this is totally ok for a while, where to find the energy for other aspects of life apart from work, like hobbies, ambitions, personal finance, planning your financial future? Setting long-term goals and executing them?

Ah, the memories of last summer… I recall feeling utterly isolated and struggling to cope with life’s challenges. It seemed like everyone around me was living their best life while I battled pain and loneliness day after day. Disappointment lingered in my heart, and I couldn’t help but feel like a victim of circumstances.

The worst part was the constant battle with my own thoughts—they haunted me, bouncing from one negative idea to another, creating an endless spiral of negativity that only deepened my emotional turmoil. Why me? Could I have done something differently to avoid what happened?—I asked myself constantly.

Although my back healed and life improved, I found myself relying on others for my happiness and acceptance, still feeling like a girl who can barely do anything without overburdening my back again. Therapy opened my eyes to this misconception, and I quickly embraced the necessary changes. Learning about emotions is an ongoing journey.

Thoughts and emotions

Ever wondered who’s really in control? Do our emotions make us think certain things? Or is it the other way around? Surprise, it’s the latter! Our ape-like brain may cling onto the negative thoughts, wired to protect us from potential dangers, so evolutionary it makes sense to address what is dangerous rather than what is happy and positive. I once fell into the trap, treating negative thoughts as irrefutable facts, distorting my reality. But guess what? Our thoughts come from somewhere, and we can choose which ones to embrace.

Each thought in our mind comes from somewhere. Sometimes it’s our brain being alert, so – doing its job to keep us alive. Thoughts and emotions have a profound effect on one another. By tweaking our thoughts, we can consciously steer towards a brighter, happier path. It’s all about flipping the script and creating a positive, blissful reality.

Last thing on your mind before falling asleep and the first one after waking up also has a lot to do with your mood for the rest of the day. I’ve made this into a delightful habit, to spend the last couple of minutes in bed before falling asleep, wrapped in my cosy bed, thinking about all the positive moments of the day or the exciting things that await me tomorrow.

By wiring my subconsciousness with positivity, it becomes my devoted ally as I drift into dreamland. As I sleep soundly, my subconscious mind works tirelessly, paving the way for a fantastic day ahead.

When a negative thought appears

My secret weapon against negative thoughts is this: when I have negative thoughts, I look at them, acknowledge them and play a little stand-up comedy show in my head, where the first voice is the pesky passive thought that came to my mind and the second voice has the job of actively coming up with an explanation or a contrasting idea.

Internal dialogue example:
Voice 1: Gasp Omg, this person totally ignored you all day!

Voice 2: Yes, they are probably busy. Saving the world takes time, you know?

Voice 1: But come on, even a busy bee can spare a sec to send a quick message, right?

Voice 2: Ah, I see what’s happening here! They’re preparing a world-class interpretive dance to surprise you later. Get ready for some epic moves!

Voice 1: Uh, I’m not buying it. Busy or not, they should think about me, right? Like we are thinking about them all the time.

Voice 2: This is your anxious attachment style speaking through you right now.

Voice 1: Raises an eyebrow Anxious attachment style? Seriously?

Voice 2: Yep, that’s just your quirky attachment style trying to sneak in some drama. But you’re way cooler than that!

Then I place my hands on my chest and ask myself “What is here?”. Why am I feeling this? If it’s just a thought and I am safe, I acknowledge it and let it go. Then I pat myself on the back and say “You are doing great. I’m here for you”. It’s like being your own best friend.

Read more about 18 signs that you are your best friend.

Let’s face it – we often treat thoughts like they’re news headlines, but the truth is, they’re just playful whispers of our imagination! These intangible figments exist solely in our minds, nowhere else, and definitely not in anyone else’s! And yet, they are ruling our lives.

If you stop them on time, you are essentially in control of what you think and feed your mind and in return you feel better because you are creating your own, positive emotions. With positive emotions of gratitude, excitement, hope, empathy, contentment and pride of who you are, you can make a decision to feel good right NOW!

And I am not saying that you should ignore all negative emotions. They are part of life’s roller coaster ride. You don’t have to ignore them or pretend they don’t exist. Feel them, let them wash over you like a wave, and honour their presence.

When the storm of something traumatic hits, give yourself permission to feel. Shed tears if you need to, let those emotions run their course.

Take the time to process, learn from the experience, and come out on the other side stronger than ever.

Remember, it’s okay to ride the wave of emotions, but also know that you have the strength to sail through and emerge with newfound resilience. Embrace your journey, and let those emotions be your guides to growth and healing. Learn to recognise when you are in the spiral of negativity that leads you nowhere.

Looking back, my health struggles were the turning point that reshaped my perspective. I’ve come to realise that while I can’t control everything that happens, I have the power to adjust how I respond. I do not have any control over what will happen, but I can adjust how I feel about it.

Today, I face life with newfound confidence and gratitude. Those challenging times taught me to savour every little joy and appreciate the beauty of each moment. They led me to experience the remarkable growth that follows trauma, opening a world of possibilities.

Now, armed with this wisdom, I’m on a mission to empower others to find their strength too. Remember, even in our darkest moments, there’s a purpose to our suffering. Knowing that every hardship, just like the good times, has an end, fuels our endurance. At the journey’s end, you’ll meet the stronger, wiser version of yourself – equipped with valuable tools to navigate life’s obstacles and extend a helping hand to others in their struggles.

So, let’s embrace life’s journey together, for it’s in our resilience that we discover the true essence of living.