Challenges will always arise in life; there is no way around this fact. When I talk to my friends they often mention their problems, and the symphony of complaining usually ends with resigned “well, there’s always something”. Indeed, life constantly throws obstacles our way, keeping us on our toes. Let’s explore some ideas on how to deal with negativity in life and handle negative people.
Can’t I Just Catch a Break?
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to finally have some peace and quiet, away from life’s constant problems? A broken heart, not enough money, an annoying boss, and the expectations from those around us, not enough days off from work, not enough hours in a day – these issues often make life feel overwhelming. And then there are the more serious, albeit rarer, life events like job loss, death in a family, or a health crisis.
At times, it seems like life never gives us a break.
But it’s not about the things that happen to us, because believe me – everyone is dealing with something. It’s about how to deal with negativity in life: how we respond to these hardships is what defines us, teaching us more about ourselves and showing us new ways to cope with life.
Problems and challenges will always happen; they are part of life. They test us and help us grow. It’s the matter of how we react to these situations.
Not everything we perceive as a problem truly is one. Indecision over what to eat for dinner isn’t a problem. Planning a wedding isn’t a problem. Even being in the process of buying a house or renovating one aren’t problems either.
These are just tasks that we do or need to complete, things we’d like to get over with as swiftly as possible. Surprisingly, I know people who get almost depressed by the very things that indicate how well they are doing in life. And they end up complaining about these blessings rather than appreciating them.
Which leads me to the next section.
Understanding Our Privilege
We all have different backgrounds. Some of us started in comfortable families, while some of us did not. Some receive financial help from their parents, while some of us have to aid our parents financially.
Chances are that if you can afford to take some time for self care, introduce some peace to your life and take care of yourself, you’re likely quite privileged, just like me. Those who struggle often don’t have the luxury to meditate or seek calm because they’re too busy paying their bills by working three jobs.
I always assume everyone has their own problems, and I listen for a while. However, there comes a point when I have to stop. Hearing about a friend renovating her own new place for four months straight, or not being able to buy the dream couch, can be quite tough. Ok Bestie, at least you have a place of your own, while I rent and probably always will be because my mum won’t lend me money for a mortgage…
All I’m saying is – sometimes it’s okay to have some hard moments and vent a bit. Yet, it’s essential to check if our approach isn’t a tad too self-centred and maybe we should keep certain things to ourselves. Gratitude for what we have goes a long way, in my opinion.
Window of Tolerance
The window of tolerance is your optimal state where you can effectively cope with stressors and emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.
Prolonged stress, chronic illness, not enough sleep, hunger, lack of social support all can decrease your ability to cope and narrow your window of tolerance.
To expand this window, practice stress-reducing techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing, and regular exercise.
Developing a strong support network and seeking therapy can also enhance emotional regulation, allowing individuals to widen their window of tolerance and better manage challenging situations.
Ways to Deal with Your Own Negativity
Let’s explore how to deal with negativity in life from the angle of your own thoughts, events as well as people in your life.
Meditate
I keep repeating it, but practising mindfulness and meditation techniques helps you stay present and reduce stress. These practices can help you respond to negativity with calmness and clarity, especially over time if you maintain a habit of doing it regularly.
Live in the Moment and Avoid Worrying
We tend to exaggerate the negative potential things that can happen; and it’s our brain trying to protect us. The brain has one task: your survival. So it scans the surroundings in the search of potential dangers. When you notice yourself worrying about something in the near future, tell yourself that 1) you’ll cross that bridge when you get there, 2) it might be the past trauma speaking: your brain is trying to protect you because last time you were so close to someone, your heart was broken, for example.
The best way out is to not give these thoughts a free pass and just consciously stop them. Sometimes this is the best way how to deal with negativity in life, because we can only control ourselves and our thoughts.
Rewire Yourself With Positive Self-Talk
Be kind to yourself and always have your back. When you notice some negative self-talk, try to correct it with something positive. For example, if you say to yourself “I can never get this thing right”, replace it with: “I can always do it right” and repeat it whenever you can. Our subconscious minds thrive on repetition. You can reprogram your inner critic to become your inner cheerleader.
Practice Gratitude
Keep a gratitude journal. Regularly writing down things you’re thankful for can shift your focus from negativity to positivity. If you don’t want to write these things, you can always just think of things you’re grateful for that day right before you fall asleep. It’s a great way to finish your day and give your brain something positive to process as you sleep.
Be Open To Learning from Challenges
How you respond to problems and life challenges matters a lot. If you approach hardships with the growth mindset, you will see challenges as opportunities to grow further and learn something new. You will build your resilience and grow stronger than ever from every setback. Read more about how to deal with challenges in life.
Our Thoughts Create Our Emotions – Fake it Till You Make It
Our thoughts and feelings create the story we tell ourselves. What we think creates the emotions we feel and based on that we take actions. With this knowledge, we should notice two things: 1) we can positively influence our feelings by thinking positive thoughts, 2) by change in behaviour we can change the way we think about our life. Create your self-awareness and correct your behaviour or your thoughts to literally feel better. It really works.
Observe Your Negative Thoughts
During therapy, I learned that negative thoughts will always come. However, I have the power to prevent the negative spiral of emotions. Every time I had a bad thought, I tried to challenge it with a contrasting, positive one or I told myself something nice. Be your own best friend with these phrases: “It’s tough”, “I’m here for you”, “I love you”, “You’re doing really well”. The negative thoughts just need to be acknowledged and then let go of.
Self-Acceptance
Give yourself time and don’t judge yourself for negativity. Sometimes I might just be PMSing and that is enough to test my emotional control again (I just avoid making any important decisions at that time). Accept every single thing you feel. Even the negative thoughts are a loving message from your brain. Practise radical acceptance and acknowledge the progress you are making, even if it doesn’t go up in the straight line.
Journal About It
Write freely to lay all your feelings on the paper. You can keep the history of what you felt, what was the trigger, and how you solved it to see your patterns with time and see the situations from the time perspective when the emotions settle.
Don’t Complain
When you engage in complaining, you feed your ego. Complaining is like telling yourself that you are right and others are so wrong. Your ego thrives on such validation and grows stronger on this kind of stuff. By silencing your ego, your judgement becomes more impartial and less clouded.
Dance and Sing
Dancing is a great way to shift your mood by the means of your body. It goes hand in hand with the diagram I included before (it’s also known as Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)). Play some nice feminine music to get yourself in a positive, sensual mood and feel your body relax through the movement.
Exercise, Eat and Sleep Well
Our bodies and our minds can influence each other in a very positive way (so in a negative ways as well). I know that when I’m hungry, I experience some seriously dark thinking. Ensure good nutrition that’s good for your gut, because it’s known that these little fellows can influence how we feel. Prioritise your sleep and make sure you are well rested. Vigorous exercise in the times of stress is also very beneficial, as it burns the stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.
Do the Things You Like More
Figure out what brings you joy and simply do it more often. It sounds almost too simple to be insightful, but it really makes a difference. If you don’t like your job, some social gatherings, certain situations – just remove yourself from these situations by changing them.
Make Plans to Change
Negative emotions appear because something is triggering them. However, if they keep coming back, then maybe it’s a sign for you to make some changes and improve your life to never experience these negativities ever again. Engage in reflection, what is causing the emotions, what you can do about it and plan it so that you can keep yourself accountable and track your progress.
Positive Mindset
No wonder you get ill if the well is filled with poisoned water. Change your attitude and assure that your well is always filled with fresh, good water instead. Always try to assume good things and interpret things that happen in a positive way and give the benefit of the doubt. You can start by telling yourself nice things about your day, yourself and celebrate your wins and achievements from the day just before falling asleep, and you will fall asleep with a smile on your face. Your subconscious mind will have good things to process as you visit your dreams.
Get Professional Help
If none of these things seem possible or approachable to you or even make you feel inadequate because you tried everything and are still suffering, maybe it’s a good idea to seek some therapy. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are all great choices and can help you. I know it costs money, but it truly is the best investment in yourself you can make. It’s okay to ask for help and it’s a sign of strength, not weakness.
Ways to Deal with Negativity from Others
What to do if people around us are consistently negative and give you blues? There are a couple of things you can do apart from changing your own approach, attitude, and behaviour. You can’t really change people, but you can change yourself. And for every action there is always an equal reaction, as per Newton’s Third Law of Motion (it also works in human interactions!). Here’s how to deal with negativity in life that comes from other people.
Understand We All See Life From Our Perspective
Whether we like it or not we are all very self-centred. And we should be. I am the most important person in my life so obviously my problems are the most significant to me. However, knowing that others are like that, too, you can cut them some slack because they might be a bit earlier on their self-awareness path than you and you can show some compassion for their situation. Don’t take anything too personally and try to be understanding.
Set Your Boundaries
Know your boundaries and don’t be shy to communicate them with others if they step onto them. Once you share them, be consistent and act when they are not being respected. The worst thing you can do is to communicate what you don’t want and then allow people to do it anyway. What kind of message does it send? Walk away, go for a walk, or simply say “I did not like that” as it’s happening. Let your feelings be known.
Limit Negative Situations and People in Your Life
Sometimes, in the most severe cases of negative people, setting your boundaries does not work with them; walking away might be the only way to save yourself from the emotional distress they cause you. If this feels good to you to get some space, limiting the time spent with them might be just the thing you need to do, but think this through before you exclude someone from your life. They might be just going through a rough patch. But it’s also okay to be selective about who we allow into our lives.
Look for Positive in Others
Oftentimes, we notice mostly the negative things others do, but we fail to appreciate the good things they do also. Our brain sees and picks up on the things we find important. Look for all the good they are doing to rewire your brain to scan for these positive things from now on and show them your gratitude. You can achieve more by appreciation and tasteful praise than criticism and nagging.
Practice Forgiveness
Holding onto grudges and negative feelings towards others only prolongs your own suffering. Practice forgiveness to release the burden of negativity from your heart.
Talk About Your Feelings
Be authentic about how the behaviour of your close ones makes you feel without blaming them for it. Maybe they will consider the change knowing how you take responsibility for your emotions and how their actions impact you. Explain that it makes you feel more negative and that you are reaching your limits. Suggest that you do something positive together for a change to alleviate the tension.
It’s Your Brain Calling – Funny Video
In the end, life is not that serious and we can have some fun with it. Our brain is a trained agent of survival that evolved for millions of years into this specialist. If it wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass, maybe we would still be naked apes sleeping on the trees.
This funny video has a very important message for you and a huge help for how to deal with negativity in life, so feel free to watch it – it’s called Now You Happy Always Maybe. Enjoy 🙂
Conclusion
We went through the best ways how to deal with negativity in life. In the grand symphony of life, challenges are the notes that make the music. While it might seem that problems never take a vacation, our ability to dance through them defines our strength. Remember, not every hurdle is a problem; some are just passages we move through. As we explore ways to tackle negativity, it’s essential to check our privilege and be grateful for the abundance we often overlook.
Embracing self-awareness and self-acceptance, we can widen our window of tolerance, the space where we cope, learn, and grow. Practising mindfulness, rewiring our thoughts, and nurturing positive self-talk can create a harmonious balance. By setting boundaries, limiting negativity’s influence, and seeking the positive in others, we craft a life melody that resonates with resilience.
So, in this ever-spinning carousel of challenges and joys, let’s remember: life’s music isn’t in the absence of problems but in our ability to dance through them, finding grace in every step and a song in every heart.
What are your ways to deal with negativity in life? 🙂
Share your commitments and ideas in the comments below!
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