In this world of stark contrasts and strong opinions, we often find ourselves questioning our self-esteem. Am I a high value woman? Not only are we constantly proven by everything around us and social media that we are below average intelligence, beauty and status, but we also criticise ourselves a lot. This leaves us feeling inadequate, to say the least. How do I even handle my self esteem in a world where there are probably at least a hundred Chinese children who can do maths or literally anything else better than me.

First, let me point out that you have an inherent value as a person. You are a unique person with your own set of qualities nobody else has. There are many things you are good at, you are nurturing and curious of the world and your value is huge. You have the power to create and bring peace to your nearest and dearest. Cherish your worth and remember that you are a valuable individual just by being you, especially as a woman.

Please, remember this throughout this post. You can create life, you are sweet, nurturing, understanding and you bring peace to your nearest and dearest. You possess numerous talents and a nurturing curiosity for the world. The only thing we are trying to achieve here is to see what feels good. Embrace what feels authentic to you and focus on expanding those skills.

What is value anyway?

Every object holds a value. Everything we bought that we own or want to own has a price someone else put on it. When we purchase something, it reflects our valuation of the object’s utility over the money spent. In the moment of buying something, you value the object and its utility more than you value the money you have that you have to pay for it. However, price doesn’t always equal value; something may be highly valuable to one person while not as much to others.

Consider the housing market as an example. How come the same set of walls and roof is now much more expensive than they were, say, 10-12 years ago? It’s all due to the law of supply and demand. It’s a fundamental economic principle that describes the relationship between the quantity of goods produced (what producers wish to sell) and the quantity of the goods purchased (what the consumers want to buy).

Limited building permits, driven by environmental concerns, have led to a scarcity of houses.  That makes it hard for everyone to get what they want. As demand rises, people are willing to pay more for homes, inflating prices. To lower prices, either more houses must be introduced to the market or overall demand must decrease.

Now, humans should never be judged in the same way. We are not objects, but unique beings. Right? And yet the same mechanics play a role in our lives as well.

How others perceive and value us is influenced by various factors, but one crucial aspect is how we make them feel. If you give people energy and uplift them or make them feel good and special, your value in their eyes increases. Conversely, behaving as an energy vampire or someone toxic diminishes that value. Remember, our impact on others is a powerful determinant of how we are valued in this world.

Your value comes from within

External validation can be alluring and addictive but has a totally detrimental influence on us as it’s never enough for our ego and demands more. Relying on others for your own happiness takes away one key thing: our sense of control. You are the only person you can control, nobody else. Your value starts within you and it’s shaped by how we see and treat ourselves.

Are you good to yourself or your biggest critic? Do you have a set of boundaries for yourself and do you respect your own boundaries? Are you an understanding friend to yourself or a harsh trainer? Do you give yourself the princess treatment you deserve, to set a standard for yourself? Establishing self-respect, setting boundaries, and being kind to ourselves are vital.

People can sense such things, especially men. The more you allow others to behave badly towards you, the more they will test the waters. Treating ourselves well sets a standard for others to follow, as people sense how we treat ourselves. By recognizing good and bad treatment from ourselves, we can identify the same in others.

First of all, treat yourself like your own best friend. Be unapologetically accepting of yourself and practise radical acceptance. Do not judge yourself, especially for the things you cannot change. Be your own bestie you can always depend on! Read more about 18 signs that you are your best friend.

Make yourself scarce

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say! Scarcity of your presence will boost your value. When you’re not always at everyone’s beck and call, they’ll start seeing your true worth. Be the occasional ray of sunshine, the life of the party, or the attentive ear, and watch them crave your presence even more.

You probably heard about high value women, low value women, high value men and low value men. As much as I don’t want anyone to fixate on being any specific way or try to comply with norms as much as possible, don’t worry about being labelled high or low value—be your authentic self!

here are, however, certain things that we do because we feel like it. Just remember, some impulsive actions might not enrich your life in the long run. So, be spontaneous but consider the consequences. Hold back a bit, and you’ll gain control and increase your value effortlessly. You’ve got this!

I am not saying that being spontaneous is a bad thing. It is a fantastic thing. But let’s ponder on the consequences of the behaviour we want to engage in, and what might ensue in the long run. For example, if you’re feeling impulsive about calling a man you fancy just because you feel like it, but you know that, as a woman, your role is to be and not to act, is it the best course of action in this particular situation? Reserving yourself will grant you more control, a better effect, and simultaneously increase your value. If he isn’t reaching out himself, maybe he isn’t interested. His loss. We have many options out there.

What is a high value woman?

This means something different to everyone. In general, a high value woman refers to a woman who possesses certain qualities and characteristics that are considered desirable or valuable in relationships and life in general.

Some of those characteristics, many might conclude, for example:

• She is comfortable with who she is and has a positive self-image, has high confidence, values and respects herself, but remains humble
• She has boundaries and makes sure she is treated with respect by others; removes herself from toxic situations and sets healthy boundaries in relationships; she responds to her boundaries being crossed at the moment it is happening to address it before it escalates.
• She is in control of her emotions, can effectively communicate and navigate her needs; takes her time to process the situation and does not act on impulse; takes responsibility for her emotions and thoughts,
• She is understanding and empathetic towards herself and others,
• She is independent and self-reliant; she has goals and passions that she pursues with accordance to herself; does not rely on others for her happiness and success,
• She is compassionate and nurturing, both to herself and others,
• She lives authentically; she values honesty and integrity,
• She uplifts other women and does not engage in gossips; she is reserved in judgements of others,
• She is a good listener and knows when to call out her family and friends to help them, but does not offer unsolicited advice,
• She has a growth mindset; she wants to grow as a person every day,
• She has a positive mindset.

There is no point in looking at this list and feeling bad about how you do things differently. If some of those things resonate with you and you wish to make some changes, then go for it and try to start improving yourself today.

Being a high-value woman boils down to how you perceive and value yourself, plus the treatment you tolerate from others. Start by setting boundaries, knowing your worth, and embracing your true self—top priorities on our self-improvement list as women.

Like in this GIF from one of my all-time favourite films, Lost in translation. 

It’s so good because once you know who you are, others may try to unsettle you, but they won’t succeed. Imagine someone speaking in a language you don’t comprehend – they could be hurling insults, but since the words hold no meaning for you, they won’t affect you personally.

Knowing yourself shields you from external negativity and allows you to stay strong and unaffected. And this is why I am here and so are you. To get to that place of complete clarity and acceptance of who you are, no matter how difficult it seems at this moment.

Being high value woman means people treasure your presence, and I don’t just mean in terms of money or fancy possessions. It’s all about the attention, time, love, affection, support, understanding, and patience they willingly invest in you. They give more, and guess what? They receive back tenfold, all thanks to the wonderful impact you bring with your presence and support. You see yourself as a true gem, as do others.

We do not compare ourselves here

Comparing ourselves to others is like trying to fit into fancy shoes that are three sizes too small – it leaves our self-esteem hobbling around in discomfort and those shoes were never meant for us anyway! The only comparison that truly counts is between the current you and the past you. As long as you’re doing better than you were 2, 5, or 10 years ago, you’re rocking it and will keep on rocking.

Embrace the fabulous woman you are today, the one you’ve become. Sure, we’re all a work in progress, but take a moment to appreciate your wins and how brilliantly you handle life. Be proud of the marvellous person you are!

Conclusion

You are enough and you certainly do enough. In a world filled with comparisons and harsh judgments, it’s easy to question our self-esteem. But remember, you hold inherent value as a unique individual with your own set of qualities. Embrace your worth, set boundaries, and treat yourself with kindness and respect. You are in control of your happiness, and your value starts within you.

Being a high-value woman means being true to yourself, cultivating positive qualities, and uplifting others. Don’t fret about fitting into society’s norms; focus on what feels authentic to you. Embrace your strengths and strive for personal growth every day.

Remember, comparing yourself to others only leads to discomfort. The only comparison that matters is between the present you and the past you. As long as you’re making progress and handling life with brilliance, you’re rocking it! Be proud of the fabulous woman you are today. What will you do today to improve your outcomes and give yourself the high value woman treatment you deserve?

Recommended next post to read:

THE MASTER OF SELECTIVE PERCEPTION

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QUIZ: Are you a high or a low value woman? – by Greta Bereisaite