Why would a man let such an amazing woman go? I often find myself asking this question when I observe friends, media, or even my own life. He had a gem of a woman but he chose to leave. How come? Let’s delve into why men leave relationships.
Everyone is Our Teacher
One of my friends once said to me that everyone we meet in our lives is both our teacher and our student at the same time. I find this idea very relevant, especially in relationships that have ended. Now, I believe that everyone we encounter on our path is there for a reason.
Perhaps your most recent ex was someone you imagined a future with, a sentiment many women can relate to. It’s particularly painful to let go of a man who seemed to have the potential to be your man; and I understand this feeling as I’ve experienced it myself.
However, what I’ve learned about myself from my past relationships cannot be compared to any other life lesson I’ve received. These were the most profound teachings that have positively transformed my life. They enabled me to open my heart to what truly matters to me. And how I want my life to unfold from that point onward. For this, I will forever be grateful to my exes; and they will always be a part of me.
The Power of Attachment
As we grow closer to someone, our attachment to them deepens. Through conversations, having fun together, and physical intimacy (particularly through sex), we develop a bond that is both healing and dangerous.
It feels so comforting to be so close to someone and share intimate details of our lives. I think it’s healing because it makes us feel so warm and understood and like everything is going to be alright.
However, there is a danger in becoming too attached too quickly, relying on the other person too much, known as codependency. We often match our actions and attachment to a person based on how we feel about them instead of what we get from them in terms of time, energy, acceptance, understanding and even material possessions. Things can get complicated, and we risk becoming overly invested (over-investing) and codependent.
The pain experienced after a breakup stems from the loss of someone we were attached to and saw a future with. Our envisioned future shatters, causing hurt to our ego. The brain wants us to come back to the state of happiness we once had with that person. The physical body yearns for their touch. It’s a challenging combination to navigate.
Men Are Very Intuitive
Men often don’t get enough credit for their intuition, but it’s strong and it enables them to sense the energy of others deeply. They can discern signs of desperation or when someone’s into them more than they deserve. Additionally, they may feel like they haven’t earned this level of trust yet.
Men know they’re not perfect and if you offer them too much too soon, they may not value or respect it. Men love putting effort into something and witnessing tangible results. What comes too easy doesn’t excite them (especially masculine energy men). And it’s not their flaw: it’s not a bug, it’s a feature! And it happens subconsciously. Sometimes this is why men leave relationships.
Additionally, men also know what they want and what they’re doing. They’re capable adults who can address their own problems if they choose to. If a man doesn’t do something, it’s important to trust that he simply doesn’t want it enough.
Unstoppable is the man chasing his heart’s desire. Whether it’s a business, a home, a career, or a woman – he’ll get it if he wants it and you better believe it. Their determination is powerful and we should never underestimate it. If he’s not pursuing something, it’s because he either doesn’t need to or doesn’t want it in the first place. This is a general principle I always apply to understanding how men operate, and it’s worth considering.
8 Reasons Why Men Leave
In order to understand why do men leave relationships, we must understand their desires and how they operate. It’s not an easy task, but one shortcut is to assume they operate in the opposite manner to women. In nature, there’s no redundancy – we exist to complement one another and to be interdependent.
Where women seek safety and security, men often crave a bit of uncertainty and challenge. Where women express love through words, men demonstrate it through actions. While women tend to solve their problems by externalising and sharing them with others, men often prefer to solve them in solitude. Women typically bond through talking face to face, whereas men communicate better from peripheral, from a more distant perspective.
And, in general, a man needs to feel that what he’s doing was his idea and his initiative. They don’t like to be told what to do. They do things when they feel it’s the right time. No sooner. If you tell them what to do, you’re mothering him and he won’t like this feeling.
With these examples in mind, I would like to convey one important message: not everyone is meant for you, and it’s okay to let go of a man who doesn’t want to be with you. You cannot change a man but you can change the man. A man who is your man, your future husband, won’t easily give up on a relationship. You need to believe this and trust that the universe has a good plan for you and everything happens for a reason. Additionally, adopting this approach is challenging but it can alleviate anxiety as trust is the remedy for anxiety.
1. A Man Needs a Challenge
There are four elements a man needs in a relationship to feel fulfilled as a man:
- A man needs to pursue – if he feels that he can’t fully win you over, if there’s an element of uncertainty or challenge, he’ll pursue you forever.
- A man won’t compete – men compete with each other but they feel the need to impress their partner. He won’t compete with you.
- A man needs to provide – if a man doesn’t feel that he can give you something you cannot get yourself, he won’t feel like a provider man. It’s okay to ask him for favours or give him tasks for what will make you happy. If he’s into you, he will be happy to do them.
- A man needs to be able to maintain – he needs to feel appreciated for his efforts. If his actions go unnoticed, unappreciated, or are taken for granted, he may doubt his ability to make his partner happy.
2. She Was Too Much for Him
Sometimes, a man meets an exceptional woman who initially seems perfect and he’s elated that he’s with her. However, over time, he may start feeling inadequate, like he doesn’t deserve her. Perhaps he met her during a vulnerable period of her life, when her standards were lower (or she was insecure), and now he realises he can’t sustain this relationship.
A man may shy away from situations that require him to change or exceed his capabilities, ultimately leading him to end the relationship. This reflects a deep insecurity within him that he’s not ready to heal and it’s best to allow him space to address it at his own pace while you continue your life without him.
3. He Didn’t Like How He Felt
We naturally gravitate towards situations and people who make us feel good about ourselves. We don’t stay at a job that makes us feel stupid and unappreciated and the same happens in relationships. If a man doesn’t feel like a man due to imbalanced masculine and feminine energy (the right polarity), he may choose to leave.
Additionally, if you’re dating someone with an insecure attachment style (anxious or avoidant), your open communication and sharing your feelings may make them uncomfortable, they won’t like how they feel around you due to triggers within them. This is not your fault and open communication is a good thing, it’s just something within this person that stems from issues they haven’t addressed. It’s not your job to fix that.
4. Unprocessed Traumas and Issues
As previously mentioned, some men struggle to meet emotional needs due to unresolved personal issues – it’s because we can only be as authentic with others as we are authentic with ourselves. If a man has unprocessed issues from the past, he won’t be able to fix them if he’s not aware of these mechanisms.
Rest assured that a man who is ready for a committed relationship will have addressed or be actively addressing his past traumas and it’s not your responsibility to fix him. He’s an adult and he’ll do it himself if he so chooses. Maintain an abundance mindset, and if you encounter someone who hasn’t done this work, move on to someone who is better equipped for a healthy relationship.
5. Loss of Respect
Sometimes, men leave relationships because they no longer respect their partner. It can start small but men will test you: they will keep pushing your boundaries to see how much you bend and if you break. And if you’re clearly not defending yourself and allowing for too much and not showing your standards, subconsciously a man will no longer respect that. Because every healthy (masculine energy) man will want a strong woman who has high standards and strong boundaries.
A man wants a challenge and a partner whom they can be proud of having by his side. If a partner lacks self-respect and authenticity, a man may lose interest in making her happy and gradually withdraw from the relationship until she walks away, disappointed and heart-broken.
6. Loss of Attraction
Attraction is fundamental to any romantic relationship, extending beyond physical appearance. Men express love through respect, and when respect diminishes, so does attraction. If a man doesn’t feel good around you, he won’t be attracted to you either.
How you make him feel will be mirrored as his behaviour towards you. And if he doesn’t behave like he cares enough, he’s just not that into you. Invest your precious energy elsewhere.
7. Unfulfilled Needs
It’s correlated to the four things a man needs in a relationship to feel like a man. These needs include the desire to pursue, provide, maintain, not compete with you and be challenged within the relationship. This to me is the biggest issue why do men leave relationships.
However, there are emotional and physical needs a man may need and sometimes two people are not exactly as compatible as it seemed at first. Lack of authentic communication can also be an issue. Couples who are committed to each other will work together to address these issues, but if that effort is missing, it’s a sign that he’s not the right partner for you.
8. Feeling Emotionally Uncomfortable
This might be another symptom of unhealed traumas and insecure attachment style. Maybe you’re dating or in a relationship with an avoidant partner and you want more emotionally. You want to be able to open up and you want him to do the same. You waited long enough, you know how to choose words carefully to not trigger an emotional response – you did your research. But then, he pulls away anyway. He feels uncomfortable talking deeply and opening up. The fear of losing his individuality and exposing himself is too strong – it was formed in his childhood and was carried all these years. He doesn’t feel right about this and is uncomfortable, even if he has feelings for you.
It’s a tragic vicious cycle of an avoidant person – they truly desire closeness, they can be amazing partners and give so much. But when things become too close, they internally panic and the emotions of fear within them show how being single is actually better for them. They start to doubt their ability to be in a relationship or being a good partner. It will take them a while before they will repeat this cycle again, but they will. Because the need for deep connection and intimacy is strong and it’s a fundamental need for every human being.
Conclusion
Understanding why do men leave relationships with wonderful women is complex, yet these insights shed light on common patterns. It’s crucial to acknowledge that not every connection is meant to last, and it’s okay to let go when a relationship no longer serves both parties. It’s important to realise that most of the time, men leave not because of you but their own internal reasons.
Reflecting on our interactions with others as opportunities for growth and learning can help us navigate the complexities of relationships. While the pain of separation may be profound, it’s often a catalyst for personal transformation and deeper self-awareness.
Ultimately, trust in the unfolding of life’s journey and have faith that each experience, even the most challenging ones, serves a purpose in shaping our paths. Embracing this mindset can alleviate anxiety and pave the way for new beginnings and opportunities for genuine connection.
Why do men leave relationships based on your experience?
Share your commitments in the comments below.
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