The Role of Feminine Energy in Emotional Regulation

Aug 19. 2024

Today I wanted to start a conversation about feminine energy and its role in emotional regulation. Topic of feminine energy fascinates me because it has had a profound influence on me personally, especially as someone with a very tomboyish and masculine energy background.

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Table of Contents

The Balance of Feminine and Masculine Energies

Before I trigger some people by referring to feminine and masculine energies, let’s clarify what they are and why I focus on them so much when it comes to my personal practice. It has nothing to do with the way we look or carry ourselves, how we dress or even femininity.

Originating from ancient Chinese philosophy, Yin and Yang represent the dual forces that are fundamental to the universe. Yin symbolises the receptive, nurturing, and feminine energy, associated with darkness, passivity, receiving, and intuition. It is represented by negative charge, black, shade, night, the moon, water. It is indirect, rounded, mysterious, soft, flexible, inactive, still, calm, and slow.

Yang, on the other hand, represents the active, assertive, and masculine energy, linked to brightness, activity, giving, and logic. It is represented by positive charge, white, light, day, the sun, fire. It is vibrant, obvious, direct, straight, hard, solid, active, in motion, energetic, and lively.

This concept emphasises the balance and interdependence of these opposite energies, illustrating that they are not conflicting but complementary. It signifies the harmony found in the coexistence and interaction of contrasting forces in the universe, nature, and within ourselves, promoting the idea that balance between feminine and masculine energies leads to holistic well-being and deeper understanding of ourselves.

Beyond Gender

When I mention feminine energy in men or masculine energy in women, people often become very defensive. So let me emphasise that these energies aren’t related to biological gender or stereotypes at all. If you want you can call them yin and yang instead, as it carries less emotional load. There’s no feminine versus masculine energy; there’s no way to judge one as better than the other, even though we live in a world where masculine energy traits are seen as superior, and feminine energy traits are viewed as lazy and unproductive. Ouch. How did we get here?

Rather, it’s about how they can work together and complete each other, functioning interdependently. And I want to bring at least a bit more understanding to the fact that we need both in this world and one is not better than the other.

Likewise, as distinct polarities, masculine and feminine energies naturally attract each other. So if you’re a woman with a strong masculine energy presence within, you might take a lot of initiative and make many decisions yourself. Since a car cannot have two drivers, you’ll likely to attract a man who taps more into his feminine energy (or unhealed masculine energy, which is a different topic altogether).

It’s not a bad thing as long as it works for both partners, so no judgement here. And it’s not said that as a woman you should be more in your feminine energy if the opposite feels to you more authentic and peaceful.

Are You Doing Too Much?

However, if such a dynamic leads to stress and feeling like everything is on your shoulders because you’re always the decisive one, be authentic with yourself and admit that this dynamic doesn’t necessarily work for you. You can change by patiently and gradually shifting your energy into a more passive and feminine one, creating space for your partner to step in and tap into his divine masculine energy. But this is a topic for another video entirely. And if you’re a man who complains about your partner being hard and not letting you lead, maybe it’s time to examine the relationship dynamic that you are creating as well. As I always say, it starts with us.

On this blog (and on my channel), we focus on a female point of view, so I’ll continue now with a women-specific approach.

I believe that too much masculine energy disrupts women’s emotional well-being, leading to disrupted physical well-being, often manifesting as hormonal issues and conditions. Disease is dis-ease, a state of being that involves heightened stress and dwelling in survival mode. What happens to a woman who is forced to live in survival mode? And how does she get there?

She has to “man up” and embody masculine energy traits if there’s nobody to lean on, nobody who will say, “I got you.” She has to be that person for herself.

The Price of Independence and the Inner Pull

I’m sure many of us have been there, and it wasn’t bad for a while. I personally felt empowered and happy that I live in times where I can be independent and do things on my own, not just go from my father’s house to my husband’s house without having a say in the matter. The epidemic of masculine energy women we face today (and with this the epidemic of feminine energy men as well) is the direct result of the privilege of living independently on our own on this scale for the first time in human history. That’s kind of big.

If a woman spends a long time in such a mode, there are two paths: the first one is becoming hyper-masculine energy and protective of herself, leading to relationships with feminine energy men where she remains in control, or the second one is admitting to feel exhausted from making all the decisions herself and seeking a masculine energy man to alleviate and outsource her worries.

And here’s the kicker: she may not know why she is intuitively doing that and why she’s so attracted to a masculine energy man, but the truth is that only the masculine energy force can extract the divine feminine in a woman, whether we like it or not. Only a man in his healed masculine energy can initiate this journey in a woman by creating enough safe confinement for her to relax, feel safe, and be taken care of a little, maybe for the first time ever.

How the Divine Feminine is Initiated

Now, I’m not saying that a woman cannot be relaxed by herself or create a good safe space for herself or a beautiful life without a man around. I’m saying she cannot fully initiate tapping into her divine feminine without a strong masculine energy figure in her life. It can be her father, brother, partner, or even another woman who is deeply in her masculine energy.

I am also not suggesting that a woman should search for a man to do this work for her and take advantage of him. Not at all. Let’s not forget that a relationship is an art of giving and receiving. This beautiful dynamic works for both partners actually. A man thrives in his masculine energy, feeling like a provider who can give a woman something she cannot get herself. He feels believed in and trustworthy, which fuels him further to provide more happy moments, fueled by the love for his partner and her appreciation for what he does for her and their family. A man’s affection is shown through his efforts, which directly influence a woman’s emotional well-being because women are multipliers. You give her love and peace and you will harvest the same ten folds. It works with negative stuff, too.

The Impact of Feminine Energy on a Woman

A woman thrives in her feminine energy, becoming more creative, peaceful, and cared for. Her peace is reflected in the feeling of safety and trust for her partner. The more peace she has, the more she can mirror this onto her partner, who benefits greatly when she becomes his safe haven.

When this initiation is achieved, the divine feminine within a woman is awakened. Regardless of the duration of that relationship, she receives a new perspective. She was provided for and taken care of by a masculine energy figure, probably for the first time in her life. It felt a bit uncomfortable but overall good. She will want more of it. From that moment, she will be able to heal her feminine energy on her own. And because, for women with a past like mine, receiving is hard, and traumas are deeply rooted and not addressed, such a relationship won’t last but will set a precedent for a new relationship dynamic she will seek from now on.

Emotional Regulation in Practice

Emotional regulation without feminine energy is not complete. It doesn’t exist. When you embrace stillness, surrender to the present moment, tune into the sensations breathing causes in your body, and experience with all your senses, you are embodying your divine feminine. You embrace trust in the process of your life, knowing you’re always provided for by the universe, feeling love coming from within and without, understanding that all there is is this present moment and nothing else. Your anxiety and fears naturally dissolve. And isn’t this exactly what emotional regulation actually is?

Instead of dwelling on intrusive thoughts, we go back to our breath, seeking the present moment that only our body can provide by grounding us through sensations. When you start observing what is going on within you, realising that this awareness of the present moment is always there and is your true nature. What you feel or think right now does not define you and isn’t the true you, because you are the one observing it.

Emotional regulation is very simple in theory: ground yourself to the present moment and don’t dwell on intrusive thoughts, simply observe them without judgement. And this is exactly what feminine energy is. So there’s no emotional regulation without feminine energy.

Feminine Energy in Practice

So how should we approach this? Embody more feminine energy traits, start with small additions in your everyday life:

Taste your food and notice its textures.
Breathe deeply and notice the sensations in your body, how the air travels through it.
Implement meditation practice if you haven’t already. Start with 5 minutes a day and gradually increase it.
Feel how your clothes feel on your body or the water under the shower. Try to feel more with your body whatever it is that you do.
Before you make a decision or respond to a trigger, ask yourself how it feels in your body and where.
Remind yourself during the day that it’s okay to worry but you trust in your process and fully surrender to it, becoming passive.
Make more decisions based on how they feel rather than logic. Embrace the state of flow.
Listen to your intuition because the more you do, the stronger it gets. Trust yourself enough to do this.
Dance in your room and get close with your body. Feel the sensuality and let it absorb you for a while.
Move your body for the sake of movement and feeling good, not for performance, by dancing, doing yoga, pilates, tai chi, swimming, taking nature walks, ballet, gymnastics, or other calming forms of sports that bring you joy.

Above all, be authentic with yourself and never fear anything that you feel or go through. Don’t be scared of what may come up because it is all you.